Lewis: Hello, TK! It's another Sunday and we are talking about series 19, episode 3.  TK: I can't believe we're on episode 3 already.  Lewis: I know, it goes so fast.  TK: It does! Yeah.  Lewis: Yeah, ten episodes just… And I'm looking at the scoreboard… my cord is being stupid, go up there, please. I'm looking at the scoreboard and wow, was it an episode. I've only seen it twice again this week. TK knows what's going on. I'm not quite ready to announce that yet, and I'm not even sure I will announce it on this channel.  TK: [laughs] Yeah..  Lewis: Things are happening.  TK: The scoreboard is... I mean, I've written down in my notes: How the fuck did Mat win three episodes in a row so far?  Lewis: Oh! I think what really helped him was task number 3. Do we want to do that or go in order?  TK: Let's just go in order.  Lewis: Let's just go in order. Yeah, okay. Do like Ed does. So first the prize task, the best thing for a middle aged man to keep on his bedside table.  TK: So funny.  Lewis: So what would you have done?  TK: Oh, actually, that's a good question. I mean, it was funny because they were talking about, in one of the outtakes that they posted, I think Mat said, I have a motion sensor light where you can just walk by it. And I was catsitting at a house recently, and they have six cats. So I house sat for them basically. And so in the middle of the night when I had to get up to use the bathroom, they had this motion sensor light. And I liked it for the first two days that I was there, but after a while, I just know where I'm going in the dark and I cannot sleep with lights on. And so it annoyed me after a while. But I get the concept of not wanting to fall and break your hip or whatever.  Lewis: Yeah, see, I'm on amazing medication, so at this point I could sleep through a tornado.  TK: Yeah, you're lucky, I can't.  Lewis: Yeah. So I've got strings of fairy lights in every single room of the house that don't turn off, ever, including the bathroom where they are chilli peppers. TK: Nice.  Lewis: And it fills the same role. It's just bright enough to see by, but not enough to wake you up. It's perfect.  TK: Yeah. Well, for me, I was surprised because for me, what I would say is a book. Because the best thing to have on your nightstand is a book, in my opinion, that way you can read before you go to bed and you're all calm and you get into a good, cozy headspace and everything. And then Mat brought in a book of poems and I was like, fuck yes, Mat! And then Greg was like, no! And I'm like, what? Oh, come on, that's a great thing to have on your nightstand.  Lewis: He picked the wrong book of poems.  TK: That's true.  Lewis: And I can almost guarantee that if he did what my mind went to, as soon as he said a book of poetry, I thought he'd have brought in Tim Key.  TK: Mm, yeah.  Lewis: Because Greg would have fallen for that.  TK: Well, he may have gotten fewer points.  Lewis: Man.  TK: But…  Lewis: I think Greg would have fallen for that, that or John Cooper Clark. Those would have been my two picks, because those are both oddly on brand.  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: But I think what I would have said, which probably wouldn't have been allowed. Although other people have skirted around this, so there's probably a way to do it. But I would have just said what's on my dresser, a lamp and an ashtray with a joint in it. [TK laughs] Or not on my dresser, on my bedside table. I mean, that's all I need at night.  TK: Yeah, I think in in the episode going back to Mat's book, he said, because Greg was like, oh, can you name a poem? And Mat was like, well, this isn't helpful, but when death comes. And that was so funny to me because that's the name of my Grim Reaper Alex fic! [Lewis guffaws]  TK: And I was like, Metal Gear Solid noise. [MGS sting] I was like, what? [MGS sting again] It's really funny because the Grim Reaper one is one of the fics that was mentioned in the games section when we had Alex on the podcast. So I was like, okay, that's cute. So yeah, I mean, I thought it was a funny prompt. Alex just wakes up one day and he's like, task. I wonder if he woke up one day and he was like: I wish I had ____ on my bedside table.  Lewis: I think that is what a lot, at least the prize tasks. That's what a lot of them are turning into, is Alex going through his day. Oh, I'd like something like this. And then he pawns it off as being: that Greg would like, right?  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: Which doesn't always translate, unfortunately.  TK: And is also really funny, because it's whatever Greg thinks is the best. And Greg, his facial expression, he clearly has not heard of what the prize task is. And he's just like, what? Okay.  Lewis: He gets so baffled by them increasingly, and I love it. It's really.. and he was accusing Alex of running out of ideas eight series ago.  TK: Yeah. And it just keeps getting funnier and funnier.  Lewis: Let's talk about Fatiha’s orange.  TK: I was baffled by that, like, what? What other plane of thinking are you on right now?  Lewis: I almost think it's the most political thing anyone's ever brought on.  TK: I mean…  Lewis: Because I can tell you one audacious orange that definitely needs to be juiced. And we're just going to leave it at that.  TK: We're just going to leave it.  Lewis: Just leave it at that. Yeah, but that's genuinely what I thought she was going for. And I still wouldn't be surprised.  TK: It's pretty old at this point though, isn't it? I feel like it's such an old reference. Lewis: Not that orange! TK: What, the Clockwork Orange?  Lewis: No! The orange that's driving every American nuts, right?  TK: Oh! Yeah, okay. You say orange and… if you said Cheeto, we would have been same brain. Because I in my I guess in my circles, we call him the Cheeto and not the orange.  Lewis: I call him the annoying orange. Because he is.  TK: Yeah, I was thinking you were talking about Clockwork Orange, which I'm not sure if audacity is the right word.  Lewis: No.  TK: More like pretentious.  Lewis: I don't even think it's pretentious. I think it's a wonderful book.  TK: Well, I think that the people who like it are pretentious, at least in my experience.  Lewis: The people who make it their entire personality, yes. But it is 100% one of those books you need to read before you die.  TK: Yeah, I haven't read it, I don't think I even ever watched the movie. I just knew people-  Lewis: Oh, so Kubrick fucked up the movie, absolutely fucked up the movie. Because allegedly - and I'm not sure if this is apocryphal or not, or he may have just decided to do it this way. The story goes that his copy of the book was missing the last chapter, and so he completely missed the point. But the thing that really throws people off is that it's largely written in a made up language called Nadsat. And as you start to read it, you are so fucking lost. And by the last chapter you will find yourself fluent in this language. It's such a good book.  TK: Bye podcast cat has left us.  Lewis: Oh, Rosie brought in that framed mum picture with a sex curtain on it.  TK: The sex curtain was so funny. Anything that's a tiny version of a really big thing is so funny to me.  Lewis: So if you're Shinto and you have a shrine in your bedroom, you have to put a sex curtain on it because the gods don't want to see that nasty shit.  TK: I guess that makes sense.  Lewis: But knowing that, because I've got a friend who is Shinto. Knowing that, when she showed the sex curtain, I laughed my fucking bollocks off!  TK: Yeah, that was really funny.  Lewis: My husband really appreciated it too.  TK: And I think Ed and Sophie were talking about it on the official podcast, they were like, I don't even have photos of my family in my bedroom at all. And Sophie was like, I have my Greg head trophy, which, [TK clicks tongue salaciously] and I'm like, Sophie, I love you so much. What a queen.  Lewis: It’s better than in the garage.  TK: I don't think I even oh, actually that's not true. I was going to say I don't think I even have any photos of my family anywhere in the apartment, but I actually do. And they're right there, they're right in front of me.  Lewis: We have one family photo with his parents. But otherwise we're very much the sort of people where it's like, I know what you look like. Well actually I don't, but that's another story.  TK: Yeah, I don't really feel the need to have pictures of my family.  Lewis: We have photos of people, we have no idea who they are.  TK: I mean, maybe… [crosstalk]  Lewis: …photos at yard sales and things?  TK: Do you think this is a millennial thing? Because I know, especially my grandparents that generation, they always have tons of photos of family hanging up on the walls and on top of dressers and in every single room of the house. And it's everywhere all the time. And, I plaster my walls with art prints of cats.  Lewis: Yeah, I have family photo day trauma. And school picture day trauma. So it's very odd that I became a photographer.  TK: You don't need to take pictures of yourself if you're a photographer.  Lewis: If you notice you don't see people in any of my photos. Even when I am downtown Portland, there are no people in my photos.  TK: Yeah, I only like taking pictures of people that I know. And only with consent.  Lewis: Okay, then Stevie brought in the quill pen, but I don't think there's really anything to say about that.  TK: I mean, Greg seemed to be really on board with the idea of having some mystery in the bedroom. And then she was like, and here's a pen. And he was like, well, you fucking lost it, because she's like, oh, what's that doing there? But I think Ed even says this, you fucking put it there, you know what it's there for. But also, who is writing in bed? I'm certainly not writing in bed.  Lewis: I don't even read in bed these days.  TK: Yeah, I don't know.  Lewis: If you want mystery in the bedroom, you need to have some kind of, I don't know, a jewelry box that looks like a locked chest or something.  TK: Yeah, that'd be cool.  Lewis: Which I actually do have one. [TK laughs] All right, so task 2 was insane. Answer the cheese phone. Every time you move, Alex will play the French horn. If you choose to only use your sense of smell, Alex will not play the French horn, and your final time will be halved. I'll be honest, I sort of just going scent only as well.  TK: See, I would not have done that.  Lewis: Well, my thinking was, and it did turn out to be true. If that was the option, it was going to be a strong cheese TK: Right. Lewis: They wouldn't be making you find a mild cheddar by scent.  TK: Yeah. Now to be fair, I have allergies and asthma and every possible thing, so I cannot trust my nose to do its job. But also I feel like I would not have minded Alex playing the horn. And it took me until the second watch-through that I realized that the reason he was playing the horn was so that you couldn't hear the phone vibrating. And I didn't realize that the first time I was just like, why is he running around playing a horn? Just to be annoying? And then I realized it's to cover up the sound of the phone buzzing in the secret compartment. But I really liked this task. I love the puns, I know, unpopular opinion, but I love the puns. I thought it was so funny. No, this is the bees phone, right? Lewis: Oh, they were great.  TK: I'm like, this is the best.  Lewis: I'm usually someone who fucking hates puns. When you scrolling through Reddit and all of the comments are just pun after pun after pun, get lost.  TK: No, I love a good pun.  Lewis: But Alex is also good at delivering them where they need to be. You're finding the cheese phone, of course there's going to be other phones, and of course they're going to rhyme. That's fine, that's hilarious. TK: It’s so funny. Lewis: It's stupid because the show is stupid.  TK: Yeah. Now I will say as a musician, as a Bachelor of Arts-holding musician, Alex playing the horn. I know that it might not seem like this from an outsider's perspective, but he actually had very good tone. And I was really impressed, because he's always like, I'm not a musician. I played horn in, primary school or whatever. But I'm not musically talented and I don't know how to play any instruments. Bro knows how to play. Bro knows the basics of French horn, because his tone was really solid. He was running around with it and playing at the same time, which is incredibly hard to do. And of course, he's not perfect at it. But it's very clear that he knows how to use a mouthpiece on a French horn because a lot of people don't, and their tone would be so much worse. So while he's running around and cracking notes and stuff like that, yeah, it's obviously going to be bad, but for what it was, I could actually tell that he knew how to properly play the horn. That made me really, really happy. But what I would have done, because I am a brass player is, if he started playing the horn and it really annoyed me, I would go up to him and take the mouthpiece out and just put it in my pocket, because you cannot play the horn without a mouthpiece. You can play maybe the tuba without a mouthpiece, but it's going to hurt and it's going to be really, really difficult. But a horn mouthpiece is the smallest mouthpiece of all of the brass instruments. The hole is like a hole punch size hole basically, so you cannot buzz your lips. You can try, and you might get a tiny, tiny noise out, but it's not going to do anything. So I would have just taken his mouthpiece out and been like, well, okay, now I can go about my day and you are not going to be annoying to me.  Lewis: So this is the way my memory works. I remember very little of the episode, despite having watched it twice this week already. But I do recall that he was on that Time Capsule podcast some years ago, and one of the things he put in was his French horn. And he was talking about how when he was learning to play it, he had braces. So he was learning on hard mode as it is.  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: And that was part of the reason why he gave up.  TK: I mean, that's fair.  Lewis: But then also, I've seen him on Catsdown where he's done little jokes with his pink trumpet or trombone.  TK: I fucking hate those things, I hate those things so much. Any instrument that's meant to be a brass instrument but it's plastic. I fucking hate those so much. when Jacksepticeye got his stupid little trumpet for a while there a few years ago, I was like, Jack, I love you, but you need to throw that directly in the trash.  Lewis: Yeah, I remember on Unus Annus, Markiplier teaching Ethan how to play trumpet. And Mark has a bright red one, and Ethan got a green one. That said, given that he's him, I'm pretty sure Mark's was just a bright red trumpet that was properly brass. Because he played for a long time as well. And every time he gets an instrument, it's top of the range. And then he plays it for a week and forgets about it.  TK: Insane.  Lewis: Gotta love that ADHD brain.  TK: Yeah. I also was wondering if this horn was the same one that Lucy Beaumont played in her series.  Lewis: Oh, I think it was.  TK: Which is interesting because…  Lewis: I don't think I saw it in the hutch.  TK: Because now I really want to know, where do they store that horn, and what kind of case is it in? Because it's got to be in a hard case. And I guess they don't necessarily have to oil the valves?  Lewis: They don't store anything. And if they do, it's in a bin in a conex.  TK: Well, because I'm thinking, do they just chuck it in the shed for the year? You're not supposed to leave brass, you're not supposed to leave any instrument out in severe weather, in the cold.  Lewis: Oh, look at the piano!  TK: Well, yeah, but, the piano is not meant to be played ever again.  Lewis: Exactly.  TK: But clearly the horn is still functional.  Lewis: [crosstalk] in the hutch?  TK: I don't know. You mean you mean for this series?  Lewis: Yeah, because that's the one that Lucy was playing, the one in the hutch.  TK: I don't know. And if it's decorative…  Lewis: Or it's Alex's. It could be Alex's.  TK: Now that I'm thinking back, I don't remember if he was actually pressing down the valves. Because the thing about brass instruments is you have to oil the valves for the little levers to go down. So if you don't oil them, they're either going to stick down, or you're not going to be able to press them down at all. Now, to be fair-  Lewis: I do recall him actually manipulating the valves.  TK: Okay, that's interesting. Then maybe I'll have to do a rewatch and see if they stick, because it wasn't something that was on my mind. But that's interesting, because if they didn't stick, that means that somebody oiled the valves. And I wonder who that was. I mean, it could have been Alex.  Lewis: Well like I said, it also just could be his horn. And the one in the hutch is a different one.  TK: That's true.  Lewis: There are multiple horns in the world.  TK: There’s only one. [laughs] And his name is Alex.  Lewis: Okay, oh God. Yeah, this was the task where Mat's nuts fell out.  TK: Presumably. [sceptically] Because there was an interview with Greg and Alex, I think before the series came out. And Greg was saying that the editing team had made it look like they had to blur a lot of stuff, but they didn't actually have to blur anything, and they were just, taking the mick, basically.  Lewis: So how I had interpreted that was that it did happen actually, at least once. But then the editing team decided, LOL let's make this a joke.  TK: I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.  Lewis: Because I mean, the look on Alex's face. That seemed real.  TK: So funny. And also, can we talk about how Alex says to Mat, when Mat is like, I'm going to do the sense of smell only. And Alex gives him the gloves and gives him the blindfold, and then he gives him a sweet to suck on. And he goes, suck on that, and if you could read the last line of the task. And I was just like, oh my gosh, why? Why does this read-  Lewis: He says suck on that? TK: He said, suck on that, yeah.  Lewis: I also feel like this was a fairly early task, because read the last line really seemed to throw Mat for a second. He was like, what? What do you mean read? Oh, right. That's what it is.  TK: And clearly Mat has watched Taskmaster before, he's very knowledgeable about Taskmaster.  Lewis: It also seems like the sort of thing where, yeah, you're there in the house and all earthly knowledge just abandons you.  TK: Yeah, that's real. And I hope that, I think we might get this because somebody online asked the Taskmaster channel if we could get the full readout of Jason's finding the thing under the table. And I think they said that we might. Well, they didn't say we might get it, they said, be careful what you wish for. So hopefully we'll get the full read out of that, because I think that would be really funny.  Lewis: That was great. And then, oh, they keep doing Rosie so bad.  TK: I know, honestly the first time I watched that, I was like, there's no way. I was like, she's not that competent, I love her, but she's not that competent from what I've seen so far. There's no way that that was all. And then of course, Alex pulls up the: yes, that's what we've appeared to make Rosie do. You son of a bitch.  Lewis: Though I'm kind of glad that she's like that, because if she were as competitive as Chris, I would worry for him. It seems like she just kind of wafts through life. Oh yeah, okay, we're doing this now. And then Chris really wanted that win.  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: And then Fatiha, she did the task and was pissed off about it. That's what she do, and I love it. And then Jason also had to put on a mustache, which no one else found.  TK: That was so funny. I definitely forgot about that the first time he put it on because it just blends in. And I think Ed said that as well on his pod because it just blends in. But I loved how he answered the phone and she was like, is there anything I can help you with? Is there anything you want to discuss or something like that? And he was like, well, you haven't mentioned my mustache. And then she laughs and he's like, I got her to laugh. And that was the sweetest little moment. I loved that so wholesome.  Lewis: I feel like that was the same person who was the voice of Mr. Blobby.  TK: Yeah, that might be true. I wouldn't be surprised, really cute.  Lewis: Fucking Mr. Blobby, I hate that thing, hate it so much.  TK: Yeah I don't like that dude.  Lewis: You weren't even there for the height of it.  TK: No, thank goodness.  Lewis: Yeah. For a couple of years, he was everywhere, again!  TK: No thank you.  Lewis: Okay, the cushion task.  TK: Okay, now, it might have been this task because I took notes more or less in order. But, Fatiha said something like, you're going to get an ABSO if you carry on like that. Lewis: ASBO! TK: ASBO? What is that?  Lewis: Okay, well, let me read out the task and then we'll come back to it.  TK: Okay.  Lewis: So the task is, move the most cushions from one bin to the other bin without Alex correctly saying what color cape you're wearing. You must be wearing a cape on the outside of your clothes throughout. You may not move the bins. If a cushion touches the ground, the task is over. Alex will alternately open and shut his eyes for as many seconds as there are letters in each word of this task. Fuck me!  TK: That's a lot.  Lewis: That is a lot. So yeah, what an ASBO is, it's an AntiSocial Behavior Order. And I don't know why we don't have them here. Because it's… I'm trying to explain this in a way that will make sense. It's kind of like a misdemeanor, but not. Oh, here we go, did you ever see Sherlock? TK: Yeah. Lewis: Okay, in the episode where, I forget which one it is, they come across a guy who's graffiting a building, and then the cops come, and he and Sherlock leg it, and John's just stood there like, what the fuck? John is given an ASBO because they think he's the one doing the graffiti, because he was left with the bag. So it's for that kind of thing. And if the story about Alex burning down a disused train car or whatever that was, depending on how bad the damage was, etc., that probably would have gotten him an ASBO. Because it's exactly what it sounds like, an AntiSocial Behavior Order.  TK: Okay.  Lewis: So you're doing things that go against society basically.  TK: Okay, good to know. I had no idea, because the whole audience laughed at that and I was like haha, I don't know what that is!  Lewis: Yeah, it's also when Alex claimed to have taken off all the doors in his school. It's that sort of bullshit. TK: Got it, okay. Lewis: Oh my god, this task.  TK: So then we get Alex doing the whole, this is not a euphemism, but let's take a look at my ruined abbey or whatever. And it's like, okay. But can we talk about how gorgeous that location was? Oh my gosh. I was like, I would love to go there.  Lewis: One, I want a backyard. And two, I want that in my backyard.  TK: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It was so pretty, such a scenic little thing. And one of the annoying things about living in the US is we don't really have stuff like that, especially not on the West Coast.  Lewis: God, no, the West Coast is brand new.  TK: Yeah, exactly. So anytime there's a castle or anything, I'm like, fuck yes, that's what I'm talking about.  Lewis: Yeah, up here I think we might have some old structures, but it depends on who built them. We've got all the settlement structures, but where are the ones from before? Gee I wonder.  TK: Yeah, big fucking mystery. What's the… oh my gosh what's it called? The Airheads, and it's like White Mystery flavor? You know that meme that's like White Mystery, I wonder what happened here? Airheads White Mystery. [laughs]  Lewis: Yeah we have a lot of that, it’s very sad. In my particular area, we have a lot of totem poles, and they're not totem poles that white people made. They are totem poles that the tribes made and donated to cities or just put up in parks, which are really cool. And that's about all we have.  TK: Yeah. Anyway, I liked this task a lot. I loved that everybody got zero, I thought that was fucking hilarious. I love how they did Mat so dirty, because I was sitting there thinking like, Mat has been doing so well so far. If he is the only one that gets five points on this task, that's going to pull him way ahead. And then when they were like, everyone gets zero, I was like, okay. [laughs]  Lewis: I do also think that everyone getting disqualified helped him there.  TK: Yes.  Lewis: ‘Cause had Fatiha even got one point, they would have tied the episode.  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: So the fact that no one got a point, that kind of cued it in his favor again. And I still can't believe he's won three episodes in a row. I think someone said that he's giving Mark Watson energy.  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: Because people always forget he finished second. He almost won that series as well. If you watch any task in isolation, he was down there with Nish.  TK: Yeah, for this task I laughed so hard when Rosie fell. It literally looks like a comic book character. Like the fucking Charlie Brown and Lucy taking the football- [laughs] Lewis: She went full scorpion! TK: So funny.  Lewis: We haven't had a good wipe out like that since I think Johnny Vegas.  TK: Yeah. Oh, man.  Lewis: Because he tripped over nothing.  TK: Do you remember? Oh, my gosh, I forget what episode this was. But in, I think it was Taskmaster Australia and Tom Cashman just fucking eats ground. Do you remember that? I was like, oh my gosh. Lewis: He's done it a couple of times. The best one was where they had to get the chips in the basket.  TK: Yes, oh my gosh!  Lewis: Don't slip on the chips, old man. Don't slip on the chips. And then he slipped on the chips. TK: And then he went down, I was like, Tom… But yeah Rosie falling down was peak fucking comedy for me, that was so funny. I was also confused why Mat was worming his way on the ground? I kind of understood why, because he didn't want to be seen. But surely there had to be… because those windows, I don't know.  Lewis: I think he was worming so that he could keep going.  TK: Well, he was holding so many pillows that he probably could have just sidestepped across, and Alex wouldn't have been able to see what color cape he was wearing.  Lewis: I think what he was doing also was remaining hidden so that he didn't have to keep track of the whistles.  TK: Which is fair, yes.  Lewis: Which then bit him in the ass. But also he moved the bin anyway for no fucking reason.  TK: I know, I felt so bad. He did really well until that point.  Lewis: And then Jason…  TK: I loved what Jason did! Except then he fucking threw the pillows! And I was like, why would you do that?!  Lewis: Threw them at the ground, no less. I saw someone saying, maybe Ed said this, why didn't he just put another cape over Alex's head?  TK: Yeah, but then Ed was like, there's also no thing saying that Alex couldn't just take the cape off.  Lewis: Well, there was no thing, but often times he'll go along with those kind of loopholes.  TK: That's true.  Lewis: Oh, I've been inconvenienced, oh no.  TK: Yeah, I really liked Jason's idea of going around the back. I thought that was very clever. But I don't understand why he didn't just keep walking all the way?  Lewis: I think he said that he lost confidence. And I was just like, why? It was obvious he wasn't going to turn around. And there's no way he didn't know that Jason was behind him.  TK: Because he was right next to him. And also all the leaves rustling behind him and everything.  Lewis: He had to have known. But this was how the game works. He's looking out the windows, he’s not looking behind him.  TK: Which is kind of funny, because if you think about it, everybody on Taskmaster is always kind of encouraged to think laterally. So you'd think that Alex, if he's actively involved in the task, he thinks laterally too. But clearly he was like, I am staring dead ahead.  Lewis: Yeah, and I really like the tasks where he has a prop. Especially the ones where it's like, I have a designated role in this task. I will only do this role. And he did that really well in the series 12 task where they had to get the balls from one end of the corridor to the other. And he just was just standing, sitting, standing, sitting, and I think it was Alan said: kick these back to Victoria. And he made sure that Alan was certain about that, because it would have lost them points. Because that's not his job to kick them back. It's his job to be a tool in the middle of the hallway.  TK: So good.  Lewis: And then Stevie and Fatiha…  TK: Yeah, I was disappointed in Stevie in particular because I was like, you should have nailed that. It was something about her just walking - girl, run! I would have been booking it!  Lewis: And Fatiha figured out that you can lean over, and just look right at his face. And as long as he can't see the cape, that was fine.  TK: Yeah, I really liked that task, though. I very much enjoyed that one.  Lewis: I feel like a couple of them forgot that it was the cape he couldn't see, and not just them. And we've got five disqualifications, Greg was pissed off. I always love when he's pissed off and everyone failing, which is probably why I really like series 10. And then paint the best picture of the Taskmaster and his Assistant having a fun day on the canvas in the lab. You may only enter the lab when there are 30 seconds left in the task. And I missed that one the first time, that little caveat.  TK: The 30 seconds thing.  Lewis: Yeah, so I was really confused, but I kind of figured it out half way, oh, I definitely missed this.  TK: So my first thought of this was, if you read the the task, and you interpret it in a specific way… The way that I interpreted it was: do a painting of the Taskmaster and his Assistant as they are having fun on a canvas in the lab, which is actually a fic that I've written! Because sometimes couples will do this paint thing where you get naked, and then you roll around in paint, and then you roll around on a canvas or something. And so I actually wrote a fic that was that quite a while ago, a few months ago. And when they brought that up, I was like the Metal Gear Solid thing. [MGS sting makes another appearance] And I was like, oh, okay, so that's where my mind went to, but yeah. I was impressed about the stamp thing.  Lewis: Oh, the stamp was so good.  TK: Yeah, the stamp idea was really clever. I feel like I wouldn't have thought of it, but if I did, I would have made it bigger, because they were making little stick figures and then everything mushed together once you sit on the canvas. And so it kind of blurred.  Lewis: Also, they didn’t know how big the canvas was going to be.  TK: I mean, to be fair, they could have looked. [TK laughs]  Lewis: I can see what they were going for, do it in the caravan.  TK: That was smart, yeah. Now, what I did not understand though, was that both of them went into the lab at the 30 second mark, and then they put it vertical onto the canvas. And, I would be so worried about the paint on my board or whatever. Lewis: Oh yeah, that’s a good point. TK: What I would have done is I would have taken the canvas, put it on the ground, no, actually, I would have put the stuff with the paint on it on the ground, taken the canvas, turned it around and then stamped. Because that way you don't have any sliding paint going down due to gravity.  Lewis: I would have done probably what Mat did, had I not noticed the pole or whatever.  TK: That was the retrieval system, canvas retrieval system.  Lewis: Had I not noticed that, which I probably wouldn't have, let's be real! I would have done what Mat did, just find a way to move the canvas out of the lab.  TK: Yeah, and I feel like Jason could have easily done that, because he did get stuff that was long enough to reach the canvas.  Lewis: Did you hear someone screaming? Someone screams.  TK: Oh, when?  Lewis: When he barges through the house?  TK: Yeah, because he says, get out of the way, or something.  Lewis: Yeah, and then someone just goes [Lewis screams] Listen for that, it's hilarious. I noticed it the second time I watched it.  TK: Oh my gosh.  Lewis: And I was like, 1, I want to know who that was, and 2, how frightening must that have looked?!  TK: Yeah, menace behavior. So funny.  Lewis: I love that he just kept trashing the house.  TK: Yeah I mean that was his goal. He wanted to physically harm Alex Horne and he wanted to trash the house.  Lewis: Well, now we need to see the second one, I guess. TK: Yeah. I mean, we have one. Oh, we have, I don't know if it's technically insider information, but we have quote unquote “insider information” that Alex has a white Casio [watch] that is now very scratched up, and we don't know why. Yeah, and he's not telling anyone why. And I'm really hoping that it's because of Jason! [laughs]  Lewis: Yeah, we've got someone that has an entire document written up about all of Alex's watches, which is amazing. Very similar to what I did with their outfits basically.  TK: Yeah, I really hope it’s Jason, why his watch is all fucked up. That would be so funny. Lewis: Please, please be. TK: That would be amazing.  Lewis: Yeah, once again Mat wins that task. And then let's talk about the clusterfuck that is the team task or the live task.  TK: Yes, well we got another sweet cheeks. It's just a rolling... Yeah, yep, we got another sweet cheeks. So that's a rolling pet name now I guess.  Lewis: I love it, I love it.  TK: Also I loved Jason's, for the last one, I loved his thing where he was like, “I gave you a big dick and a clipboard.”  Lewis: Yeah.  TK: [laughs] So funny.  Lewis: God yeah. And then was it Fatiha? Yeah - “I gave you hair.”  TK: Yeah, it was, I gave you hair. Somebody else said something too.  Lewis: I can’t remember?  TK: It's like I gave you hair, I gave you something, I gave you a big dick. There's a gif set on Tumblr of those three things.  Lewis: The amount of times art tasks have ended in Greg having a big dick, many of them.  TK: Yeah, and, by the way, for the listener, we're not talking about the whole camping thing because that's old news by this point, we already know the whole camping story. And there have been quite a few fanfics written about the camping trip.  Lewis: Yeah, go to A03. Check them out.  TK: Yeah, there's some good ones.  Lewis: Which, I mean, if this is your first time hearing the camping story, I genuinely believe they don't remember.  TK: Yep.  Lewis: Because that's the only thing they've ever said, that they went camping and got blackout drunk. And the fact they've both stuck to that story tells me it's true.  TK: And it's funny because in the New York premiere in January, they told that story again and we were like, yeah, we know. But yeah, they were like, well, we took Alex's dog, too. So Loky was with them. And they were like, yeah, we don't know. We don't remember what happened. But we woke up and she had a haunted look in her eyes. [laughs] Loky, tell us the secrets. Tell us what happened!  Lewis: If that dog could speak… The horrors she's witnessed.  TK: Yes.  Lewis: Especially on No More Jockeys.  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: All right. So, yeah, the…  TK: Live Task.  Lewis: Live Task. Take it in turns as teams to obey Greg's previous order. If you hesitate, your team loses the round. This one, the instructions seem easy, but it also felt needlessly complicated.  TK: Okay, the complicated thing for me was I didn't realize that the teams take turns. I did not realize that until Alex was like, well, you did this, but it was their turn. And I was like, turns? When the fuck, we’re taking turns? And I figured out that if you didn't have to take turns, I would have been very good at this. But because you had to take turns in teams, my brain cannot comprehend. I understand what it is logically, but I would not have been able to figure out which thing I was supposed to do. If we were taking turns, I was like, there's no way. I'm very good at doing the previous thing that you have just said, but I'm not keeping track of the third previous thing you've said or whatever the fuck.  Lewis: Yeah, yeah. I still don't know how that task worked, but let's talk about Alex. Because boy, do I love it when Alex actually shows emotion during a task. He was so angry! [laughs]  TK: Speaking of which, his little laugh behind his clipboard when Rosie's painting fell on the ground? So fucking funny. Just hiding his absolute glee behind his fucking clipboard.  Lewis: I love when he does that. But oh my God, the way he responded specifically to the one where both teams fucked up.  TK: Yeah, he's like, well, none of you get any points!  Lewis: Yeah, that was grumpy old dad Alex just being pissed off at the children. Oh my God, I love that. He's only done it a few times as well. And what have I been? Lately I've been rewatching series 10, a couple of episodes each night. Not 10, 16. And it was such a laugh the way he responded to Bridget Christie being annoying. (Bridget is in series 13) And he is so constantly annoyed with Lucy Beaumont. There's one where she completely fucked up the task. I think it was the burst the balloon one, and she did it from like nine centimeters away or something stupid. Yeah. And she goes, oh, have I won it then? NO! [TK laughs] And yeah, I feel like she got into that territory with this task because, what are you guys doing? Listen to the rules.  TK: Yeah, so funny. And I love Stevie and Jason as a team, because they both feel like they really, really want to do well and they want to get the points. And they're both pretty competitive. And Stevie was like, I'm so sorry. My girl it’s okay, don't be so hard on yourself. [laughs sympathetically] But yeah, that was a good one. I'm glad that the team of two won. Although I did feel bad for Mat, because being stuck on a team with Rosie, especially for this task. I mean, she clearly didn't understand. [laughs] But also, can we talk about the blow them instructions?  Lewis: What the fuck was that?! Alex Horne!  TK: You're going to need to insert a lot of Metal Gear Solid noises for this episode because I was like, [MGS sting AGAIN] excuse me? You're gonna what?  Lewis: Yeah, I think I missed the next 10 seconds after that just because it was like, what the fuck is he saying?  TK: Yeah, just real quick. Just give him a little blowie.  Lewis: [chuckles] You could even see on stage a few people were like, what the fuck is that Instruction?  TK: Yeah, I've been getting into Dropout TV recently, and one of the shows I've been watching is Make Some Noise. And it's just you make a bunch of noises or you take some prompts and you do some stuff. But one of the most recent ones I watched, the prompt was your Bop It’s instructions get kinkier and kinkier. [laughs] It's like, pull it, slap it, spank it! Blow it [laughs] That's what that reminded me of.  Lewis: Now that you say it, Bop It’s are fucking weird. Because yeah, it's twist it, pull it..?  TK: Bop it, and then flick it, and spin it? Because there was the original Bop It, which was pull, bop and… what was it?  Lewis: Twist, I think.  TK: Twist, yeah. And then there was a new one which added flick, which really fucking hurt your fingernail when you did that because it was hard plastic. And then… Lewis: This is where I start to feel a hundred years old.  TK: Yeah I know, but yeah, it was pull, twist, bop, flick. I forget what the last one was, spin it or something. I’m gonna look this up.  Lewis: [laughs] Yeah, I remember having a Bop It when they were new.  TK: Yeah, it was spin it, because it had a little wheel.  Lewis: Weird. No, I didn't know there was a new Bop It.  TK: I just got a text message from Joe. Lewis: Oh? TK: I said, let's see… For context, Joe Auckland played with Madness a few days ago, here. And I got to hang out with him, which was amazing. And he's the sweetest man on earth. And then he gave us his WhatsApp number, so now I just can text him whenever I want, which feels weird, but here we are. [Lewis laughs] Anyway, their last gig was last night, so I messaged him this morning and I said, “I hope you had a good show last night, safe travels back to the UK.” And he says, “Thanks a lot TK, it's been a really great trip. What fun we had! See you again at some point no doubt.” What a sweetheart.  Lewis: Are you going to tell the people what you did?  TK: What, that I got really, really drunk while I was hanging out with Joe? [laughs] I mean it was really fun. We had a couple drinks before the show, we went to the show, and then we hung out again after the show. We literally hung out at the bar until they kicked us all out, we were having such a good time.  Lewis: Yeah, I love doing that, it's so much fun.  TK: Yeah, and I haven't done that in years probably. It's legitimately probably been 15 years since I've done that. So it was a really good time. But yeah, I got to hang out with Joe and I got to hang out with a couple of the other lads from Madness. And they were equally, very, very funny, big sweethearts, had such a nice time hanging out with all of them. Iit was genuinely just a really, really nice night. So I'm really happy that I got to do that.  Lewis: I'm glad you guys had fun. That looked like a blast. TK: It was, it was really great, yeah.  Lewis: Poor me up here in Portland, missed it all.  TK: Yeah, hot tip, if you are going to get drunk, make sure you eat something first, which I know is common sense, but.  Lewis: At your age, you should know better.  TK: I really should. I mean the problem is I don't really drink that often anymore because my partner doesn't drink. So I'm like, well, I'm not going to drink by myself. So I don't really drink socially because I don't really have anybody to drink with.  Lewis: If I were going to hang out with Madness, I would assume off the bat there is going to be drink. Possibly even a bit of drugs, I don't know how clean they are. [laughs]  TK: I mean they all seem pretty… We literally only just went to the bar and just hung out and had surprisingly wholesome conversations. We had to tell them about the whole JK Rowling thing, because they had no idea. They were like, wait, why do you hate J.K. Rowling? We're like, because she's a transphobe. Lewis: Because she’s evil.  TK: Joe literally, he could not comprehend how someone could be transphobic. He was like, that doesn't make any sense. And we're like, yeah, man, it doesn't make any sense. So he's like, I don't understand.  Lewis: Neither do we, pal.  TK: Yeah, such a sweetheart, oh man. But yeah, we had a great time. Yeah so anyway, the live task, I was like, oh my gosh, there's so many things happening.  Lewis: It was chaos.  TK: It was a whirlwind.  Lewis: I like the chaos ones. But I would also like Alex to please write some tasks that make some fucking sense.  TK: Yeah, I mean we're almost 20 series and now I'm sure it gets harder and harder. But also can we talk about how dirty they did Mat at the end of the show? With putting the picture of his butt up on screen with the pixelated stuff, and then as Greg was like, give it up for Mat! And then the screen still has his picture on it as it went up. And I was like, bro, what the fuck? That's so unnecessary. I mean, don't get me wrong, fucking hilarious. Lewis: It’s Taskmaster, everything is unnecessary! TK: Fucking hilarious [laughing] I was like, what the fuck?  Lewis: So yeah, let's actually talk about Mat for a bit.  TK: I cannot believe he's won three episodes in a row. Because every single interview and task and everything that I have heard and seen so far points to miserable, wet, cold, puppy failboy. And I'm like…  Lewis: I know! I’m glad we still have a failwoman, but I really wanted a failman.  TK: Yeah, and don't get me wrong, I love Mat, love Mat to death. I'm very happy that he's winning these episodes. I'm just real fucking confused because everything I've been told up to this point is, oh, he did so bad. And I'm like, but he won the first three. So I think, I don't know if you still have the scoreboard up, but is he like ahead by nine points?  Lewis: Holy shit, I was just going to go through this. So we've got Fatiha and Rosie tied for fourth at 37. Or fifth, I guess, I don't know how that works. We jump up to Jason at 39. Tiny jump, more of a step. Another little step up to 41 is Stevie. Guess how much Mat has?  TK: 50, right?  Lewis: 55.  TK: 55! Jesus Christ!  Lewis: Yeah!  TK: And I know we're still early days, but still, that is a lead.  Lewis: I can't remember if we said this on camera, but yeah, he's got such Mark Watson energy.  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: And he is just doing basically what Mark Watson did, failing a lot of times. But all you have to do is just complete the fucking task.  TK: Yeah.  Lewis: And he's got by a lot of times on that.  TK: And I think Mat is smart enough to know that that is what you have to do.  Lewis: Yeah, I feel like that's why he chose the blindfold in the phone task, because he knew all he had to do was finish it. And whatever he did, that would be halved.  TK: That's true.  Lewis: And he got four points for it.  TK: Yeah, pretty good. I'm very impressed with, yeah.  Lewis: I'm looking at episode two. He got three fives and two fours. And then episode one was a bit more mixed, 4, 3, 5, 2, 5. And then this episode, 3, 4, 0, 5, 1, which got him 13. So it's another really thin episode, because I think it was last week, Alex mentioned something about a clean sweep. And he very nearly did do it, because he's only two points away from the 25. That said, nobody's going to beat what Dara did, right? TK: Right, yeah.  Lewis: With, what was that, 31 or something insane?  TK: Fucking ridiculous.  Lewis: I know, I think that was the episode where there was a bonus as well. And then something else was going on and he hit every single one of them.  TK: Yeah, this episode definitely… because we got to the end, and he won with 13. And immediately my brain was like, that is really low. And then I remembered that everybody got disqualified for that one task. [laughs] Lewis: Yeah, everyone got disqualified. And poor Rosie! Leading out the bottom at eight points. And then episode two, he had 23. And then it was Jason, Rosie and Stevie at 13, and Fatiha on 15. And then yeah, episode one was 10, 16, 19, 16, 17. So they're all fairly close each episode. But somehow Mat has just rocketed ahead. That said, I recall Chris Ramsey doing the same thing. He rocketed up there, and then Sophie just got in there underneath him. So yeah.  TK: It’s wild. Definitely be looking forward to next week and see what happens.  Lewis: Yeah, there was something else I wanted to say. You probably have better notes about this because I watched it on YouTube. Tell us about the ad breaks, ‘cause I have no memory.  TK: I didn't write anything down for the ad breaks.  Lewis: So that means that it was pretty typical.  TK: Yeah, pretty general. Yeah, it's pretty normal stuff.  Lewis: I love, and I haven't seen this in a while, I love the ones where Greg just goes on an unhinged socialist rant. Those are always my favorite.  TK: Yeah, very good. I assume you haven't watched Australia this week?  Lewis: I've not watched any of series four, but go ahead and spoil me.  TK: Oh yeah, you’ve got to catch up, because there is some stuff that's happening! I was talking to my friend yesterday, he's the one that introduced me to Taskmaster in the first place. So he's the one that lives in New York, and he met up with me for the Q&A in New York City. And we talk every day and everything. But he was saying that he watches Australia, but he's not caught up with it yet. But I asked him about that because I was like, there were some things in this latest episode… And he was like, what kind of things? And I was like, let's just say there were lots of titties. And he's like, “Like… the bird?”. And I'm like, nope! [laughs]  Lewis: Lots of tits!  TK: Lots of tits, oh my gosh. So yeah, catch up on that because that's been interesting.  Lewis: Yeah, I've only been watching New Zealand and Australia as they hit YouTube.  TK: Oh, I guess that makes sense.  Lewis: Because nothing gets cut from them on YouTube.  TK: Yeah, we still get the ad breaks and stuff like that.  Lewis: Yeah, which is weird. My guess is the reason we get ad breaks for those is because their ads are weirdly paced. Australia has one in the middle of the live task.  TK: That always throws me. I know that they're coming now, but that always throws me. Because I'm like, okay, y'all just going to hang out on stage for a second while we take a break? I don't know, it's just really weird.  Lewis: It's obvious that they do take a break in filming on the UK, because they all wind up back down in their seats and the stages is set back up. But it's not an ad break. It's just break five.  TK: Yeah, very interesting.  Lewis: Next week Midnight Picnic is the episode title.  TK: I like that.  Lewis: And next week, the Horne Section series two airs directly after Taskmaster.  TK: I'm so excited.  Lewis: Yes.  TK: So excited.  Lewis: It's going to be insane. I can already tell just from the previews we've seen. I can't wait.  TK: Yes, lots of good things happening. And I don't know when this episode is going to be released. But as of recording this, tomorrow I have a very Taskmaster-heavy day because I have two interviews for the podcast with two Taskmaster-adjacent big names. I'm just going to say big names because, Taskmaster… they're not contestants, but they're pretty…  Lewis: Well say them and I’ll bleep them, because I have forgotten.  TK: Okay, so it's [BLEEP] and [BLEEP] Lewis: So I'm going to edit this and throw it out there as soon as I'm done. It's going up today.  TK: Sweet. And then I'm seeing Fern Brady tomorrow night in San Jose. So I'm going to bring my little business card and hopefully throw it at her face.  Lewis: Actually, no, I don't have to bleep one of them, because it's next week's episode.  TK: What's next? Oh, Mark?  Lewis: So yeah, for next week we've got Mark Brown.  TK: Mark Brown! If he doesn't cancel again, not like it was his fault.  Lewis: And then where's the other one? I don't think we've scheduled the other one. She's just kind of there.  TK: Yeah, we'll need to…  Lewis: We'll burn that bridge when we get to it. And also, just for anybody who's been keeping track, we have one, two, three, four..? Yeah, we've got four episodes still in the archives from when you had your nasty camera and things weren't looking great. So once we're through those, which should be mid-June, mid/late June, it'll all be your lovely face on this lovely camera.  TK: Yay! Awesome. Hey, sorry people that are only listening to this on Spotify or Apple or wherever you're listening to this.  Lewis: You're missing out.  TK: Go look at my face on YouTube for three seconds, and then go back to your regularly scheduled listening. If you watch on YouTube, you can see Podcast Cat being a menace.  Lewis: Yes, which she frequently is.  TK: She sure is. Woke me up at 5 a.m. this morning and I was like, can I please just sleep in for once in my life? She was like, no.  Lewis: No!  TK: Absolutely not.  Lewis: I'm going to sit my butt right on your face.  TK: Pretty much. Actually, it's more like I'm going to scream at you and then jump up on things that I'm not supposed to jump up on. And then scratch at the posters that you've had since childhood, and actually actively rip them down from the wall with my claws.  Lewis: We had one, he would only do this to my husband. But my husband snores, and he's always like that [pained groaning] when he sleeps. And Dexter would come in, and just shove his entire head into my husband's mouth. And he did it all the time. And of course, he would then find himself choking on cat.  TK: I didn't know your husband ate pussy. [TK!]  Lewis: Well, he is bi.  TK: Oh, okay, there you go. You learn something new every day. Good lord, all right.  Lewis: All right, yeah. Well, I think we're just devolving into bullshit now, so it’s probably time to end.  TK: Yeah, well, thanks everybody for joining us for another debrief.  Lewis: And, oh, that's right, there's a card somewhere. I'll put it up again, it also went up at the beginning of the episode. We've got a poll about these up, so go answer the poll.  TK: Yes.  Lewis: And we've definitely crossed an hour now at this point, so we should definitely head out.  TK: And also join us on Patreon! Because it's expensive to create podcasts, it turns out. [laughs] Lewis: It surprisingly is. We will be back next Sunday. TK will be back on Tuesday.  TK: Yay! See ya!