Transformative Taskmaster | Taaaskmaaaster | s19e04 Debrief

[Music]

TK: Hello, good evening and welcome. It’s time for us to rip off The Horne Section podcast. All right, we’re here tonight talking about series 19 – big yawn from podcast cat – episode 4. So let’s get into it. First of all, this is very important. Fatiha’s lipstick in the studio. Holy shit.

Lewis: I love all of her outfits. I love all of her looks.

TK: I was obsessed. I mean, she is just gorgeous, immaculate. Oh, my gosh, every time they cut back to her, I’m just like, “How are you… how are you — how is anyone that pretty?” But also that lipstick color. I cannot pull off lipstick, but holy shit, that woman can pull off that lipstick. I was so distracted every time they cut to her, I was like, “Girl.” Absolutely gorgeous. Also, she was the guest this week on Ed’s podcast in the caravan.

Lewis: I think I’ve got a few notes on that.

TK: The thing that has been bugging me is that I’ve been trying to figure out what the correct way to pronounce her name is. And so I was like, “Please say your name a bunch of times so I can figure out how to pronounce your name correctly.” She says it differently a couple times. But I think that the correct way, from what I can figure out, is that it’s the last syllable that gets the-

Lewis: The accent?

TK: The accent – I was like, “What’s the word?”

Lewis: Stress, that’s the word!

TK: I wanted to say downbeat. And I was like, that’s not — that’s a musician thing. So I think it’s-

Lewis: The last syllable gets the stress. That’s what you’re trying to say.

TK: Yeah. So I think the most frequent-

Lewis: I want to apologize for both of us here. We both just woke up from a nap.

TK: Yeah we did!

Lewis: Just independently passed out in the middle of the day.

TK: It was a long day at work for me because it’s a Saturday and we have a ton of kittens. It was constantly flipping rooms and making sure everything was clean and ready. But anyway, I think it’s Fati-HA is what I think it is.

Lewis: I’ve always said Fati-HA so that’s what I’m going with.

TK: Apologies, if she ever listens to this.

Lewis: We just have to get her on the podcast now.

TK: Literally I’m going to be like, “Please tell me what is the correct way to pronounce your name because I feel so bad.”

Lewis: Cat butt.

TK: Hello, Podcast Cat. What do you have to say for yourself? She is looking at my bracelets. No, that’s not a toy. Stop! She’s like, “Phone?”

Lewis: Well, let’s start with the top of the show and go in order.

TK: All right. Let’s talk about how Greg was like, “Squid Games crossover, man, we got to do it.” That was so funny.

Lewis: The fandom basically has accepted that this is Saw Lite. So why not get another one of those franchises in here?

TK: Yeah, that was very funny. I loved Alex’s banter section with the signs and Greg being like – I think that Greg does this thing where he knows that Alex is going to purposely annoy him. That’s the whole point of starting the show with the banter section, is that Alex wants to rile him up like, this is a thing that both of them have said –

Lewis: Yeah, he needs to be annoyed.

TK: “This is literally the purpose of this because Alex annoys me and then I get into the headspace of the Taskmaster and then we’re good to go.” It benefits both parties.

Lewis: That’s what I love about the series where nobody understood the prize task, because Alex pisses him off, and then they go into this round where nobody has done it correctly, so he has to claw some entertainment value out of a crumpet. Which, it’s perfect. And then what I really liked about that with the road signs was afterward Alex just very quietly, quietly goes: “I know what I’m doing.” And he does. He absolutely does. Even though it looks like-

TK: He says it as a joke, but meta-wise it’s actually true.

Lewis: Why is this open to the wrong…

TK: But the last sign: “Outside our house.”

Lewis: “Our house.”

TK: So fucking cute. I loved that. I was like, “This is adorable. Absolutely adorable.”

Lewis: I think we have transcended being seen by our blorbos. Senpai has noticed us. And this is just how it is now. They’re not even being coy about it or trying to make it look like something else for their audience that isn’t in on the joke. The jokes are now for people that are in on the joke. And I love it.

TK: Yeah, very cute. So what’s the prize task?

Lewis: Prize task is: “the thing that least suits its name if you shout it out loudly while we’re looking at it on the screen” – which I loved this. A couple of them had some really good ones.

TK: Yes. I couldn’t really wrap my head around it too much because I was like, what? But then, the thing that Rosie brought in, perfect. The thing that Mat brought in, I thought it should have gotten five points.

Lewis: Mummy was great.

TK: That was hilarious. Like the way that he said it, I was like, fuck yes.

Lewis: Mummy!

TK: And I was like, that is smart. That’s really smart. I’m surprised he didn’t get the five. And then also we got-

Lewis: He only got two!

TK: I also love Stevie. “It’s got cock in it!”

Lewis: We had cock, we had fanny. Surprised we didn’t have tits.

TK: I loved the subtle ”your mom” joke from Jason.

Lewis: Yeah, we don’t get that many, that was in my notes as well. We don’t get many “your mom” jokes on this show.

TK: Well, and even anymore, it was very much like a 90s thing, I feel, you know?

Lewis: You know what’s funny? Because earlier in the chat when we were talking about whatever the fuck it was, I’d just woken up like, it’s been replaced by your dad jokes.

TK: Oh, has it?

Lewis: Yeah. Like, you see a lot of people: “yeah, I kissed your dad last night. Yeah, I fucked your dad last night. Yeah, me and your dad” — like that seems to be the one that’s taken over.

TK: Hmm. Interesting.

Lewis: But I also want to say that I 100% saw where Fatiha was coming from. She just didn’t explain it very well. And then when Mat mentioned the chair, it threw her off. But there was an answer to that. I would call a chair a seat.

TK: Yeah.

Lewis: Because it either allows you to be seated or is a seat.

TK: Right. I did see where she was coming from, though.

Lewis: It’s a sweeper.

TK: Yeah, I saw where she was coming from. Rosie’s lyre, that was really good. It reminded me of — I know you’re not into musicals much, but the musical Hadestown — oh, so good. I cried, I was depressed for like, a week afterwards, and my partner was like, “did you hate the musical?” And I was like: “no, it was so good. It’s just so sad.” But there’s a bit in the musical where Orpheus is talking to Eurydice and they’re introducing each other, and she’s like, “so, what do you do?” And he’s like: “oh, I’m a singer.” And she’s like, “okay”. And then he’s like: “I also play the lyre.” And she’s like: “oh, a liar and a player too.” So that’s what that reminded me of. But I was like, no, that’s very good. The lyre and the mummy I thought were both very strong.

Lewis: I also want to say that I loved Fatiha’s Alan Carr joke.

TK: That was so random.

Lewis: Of all the Carrs she could’ve picked, Alan?

TK: Yeah, that was funny.

Lewis: What else? First actual task, because I don’t think we have many jokes in between there. Some of these tasks, I just wanted to scream at them. Okay. “Put the most wetsuits on the mannequin. The mannequins must be wearing their wetsuits properly. Also, you must tiptoe throughout and put your fingers on your lips and say “shh” at least once every 20 seconds.” And I just want to start out – Mat’s tiptoe position. Where he did that [Lewis mimes Mat’s arms held out in front of him, bent at the elbow with limp wrists] That was 100% that “down boy” meme, which I’m pretty sure we’ve shared in the Discord.

TK: Yes!

Lewis: Did you notice that?

TK: Yes, I did, and I was just like, Mat, what even are you? He’s like a cartoon character.

Lewis: Reflexive reaction it looked like.

TK: It was, and his stupid little stick legs and his dumb little hands and his wrists. And I love him so much — I cannot deal with this man. I’m just like, what the fuck are you doing? And that was like a running thing for him this episode because later in the episode, he runs away when Fatiha’s like “bruv”. And and he’s like [TK mimes him flying across the studio] and he fucking runs through the studio. And Stevie was like, you did the fucking thing again! It’s just so cute!

Lewis: I’ve got notes on that, I think we’ll get to that. This task was deeply sinister and I can’t even put my finger on why or how, but it was one of those tasks.

TK: Did you notice that we kind of fucking glossed over the wrist taser? I was like, excuse me?! We’re just going to shock you every 20 seconds, which I guess is an easier method of telling them what once every 20 seconds is, other than Alex having to blow his whistle every 20 seconds. I feel like he usually does that, so I’m not sure, maybe he was just tired and he needed a break from counting the time or whatever. But I feel like they fucking put on the wrist tasers and then they never really talked about. I mean, Stevie brought it up, once…

Lewis: Yeah, I was just gonna say that.

TK: …but no one really talks about it otherwise. And I was just-

Lewis: She was like, aren’t these illegal? And he goes, not on people, weirdly! Which just made me wonder, where did that come from? Because I know he’s done it with The Horne Section a couple of times, put them in shock collars. Honestly, people in shock collars is one of the funniest things to me. I don’t know why.

TK: It reminds me, have you seen those videos of people that get periods have their boyfriends put on this thing and it’s like an electric shock? It’s not like a shock, like a one time thing, but you can amp up the power?

Lewis: It’s a TENS unit.

TK: Yeah, and it’s like reaction videos of the guys, like amping it up to however much they can take, and they get to like 2 or 3 and they’re like, this is so painful. And the girls are like [mimes pushing a button] up, up, up, up, up, up. And it’s like level ten. And they’re like, “Yeah, this is what normal cramps feel like.” And the boys are like, “Holy shit, how do you survive?” And tt’s like, “Yeah, shut the fuck up.”

Lewis: Yeah, and that Unus Annus video – sorry to go back to a fandom that no longer exists. They did a video where they had to simulate childbirth. And the thing is that Markiplier’s mother used to be a nurse or something like that, so they phoned her up while they were on, like, level four, just rolling on the bed in tears. And he phones his mother up and she says – it was something out of pocket and insane – something like, “You know it’s ready to come when it feels like you’re being stabbed in the vagina.” They’re already dying, and then she says that to them.

TK: Yeah.

Lewis: “What, it gets worse?!”

TK: Yeah, sp that was another little almost kinky thing. I mean, there’s definitely such a thing as electric play.

Lewis: He keeps threatening to do Taskmaster Blue, but I swear every series we just get closer to that being Taskmaster. Did you catch, I can’t remember if it was during Stevie or Rosie’s task, the ‘I Love Greg’ jumper from a series seven interstitial showed up.

TK: Yeah, I was very happy to see that make an appearance again.

Lewis: Back to Mat, let’s talk about him misunderstanding the entire task.

TK: Oh, I feel so bad for him.

Lewis: The look on his face!

TK: He’s like, for fuck’s sake. But if you remember when he was on with Ed on the official Taskmaster podcast, he mentioned the wet suit task. I think they were talking about something about following the rules really strictly or something. And then Mat was like, “Have we seen the wet suit task?” And Ed was like, “No, we haven’t gotten there yet.” And he’s like, “Okay, then I’ll not spoil anything.” So in my brain I was like, I need to look out for the wet suits.

Lewis: He’s done something wrong.

TK: No, baby. This poor man.

Lewis: It’s the way he just completely hindered himself. And then he thought that he ruined the task or failed the task because he let his finger drop.

TK: Such a sweetheart, I know. Now, to be fair to him, I did have a thought that was, I think it would have been easier for me… Because of the way that the task is written, there’s so many different things that you have to remember to do. And so because of that, I feel like I would have also done what he was doing, but I would have been constantly shushing just to have it be a running thing.

Lewis: Yeah, that’s what I’d have done.

TK: But then when I needed to take a 20 second break to put a wet suit on or something, then I would take my hand off. And then when the thing buzzed, then I would do that again. But there’s no harm in you just continuously doing that. But I don’t think I would have not remembered that you didn’t need to do that the entire time. I felt so bad.

Lewis: Oh my God.

TK: Yeah, I felt really bad.

Lewis: And then we’ve got Fatiha renaming it to ‘Mosquemaster’.

TK: That was so funny. And I thought that it might have worked better as ‘TaskMosquer’. But then I was thinking about it, because depending on what type of British accent you have, it probably could sound the same as Taskmaster? Because it’s like [in a fancy British accent] Taskmaster, and then TaskMosquer.

Lewis: It sounds like what people have said when they fumble it, because I’m pretty sure I have heard people say that. ‘TaskMasketer’ which I think is something Iain Stirling said.

TK: Yeah, I think that would have worked out really well if it was TaskMosquer, which sounds better in an English accent. Accent [in an OTT American accent] sorry, my appellation is showing. So it definitely does not sound good in my accent, but yeah, I thought that was very, very funny. Loved that, fucking loved that.

Lewis: So let’s skip the ad break and come back to that later.

TK: What? Come on!

Lewis: We’ll finish this task and then we’ll come back to it.

TK: All right.

Lewis: Because these ad breaks were, Jesus Christ.

TK: Yep.

Lewis: So Rosie’s attempt was also just chaos. “I don’t want to be awkward”, followed by, “A child!”

TK: So funny. Have you seen that, oh, man, I think it was a Vine, when Vine was a thing? But my partner and I do this all the time to each other. It’s the Vine where there’s a guy in an ‘office’ and he has this, what’s it called? The thing with the papers on it, the big post-it note or whatever.

Lewis: A notepad or something?

TK: I don’t know if I should even say this, maybe we should cut this part out. But it’s like. “What’s worse than a rapist?” And then he rips off a thing, and now it says, child rapist, and he goes, “A child!” and the guy goes, “No!”

Lewis: Oh, I think I have seen that.

TK: We do that to each other all the time, we’ll just be like, “A child. No!”

Lewis: The one that lives rent free in my head, mortgage free to satisfy Alex, I guess, is… I can’t remember his name, Rex something. Just, “Kink shaming is my kink.” That’s my favorite Vine.

TK: Oh, my gosh.

Lewis: But let’s talk about Alex getting stripped naked.

TK: Finally dude, it’s been a while!

Lewis: I know, it hasn’t happened…

TK: It’s been a while. And I think Stevie has just made a Bluesky account, and she’s been live posting whatever. And she’s like, Rosie-

Lewis: She’s one of us.

TK: She is. She’s like, “Rosie, it’s about time, finally.” And I was like, this girl gets it, because it has been a while since we stripped that man. So that was really nice to see.

Lewis: It is. I remember on Champions of Champions 2, he got stripped a bit. And that was after series 13, either right after or right before. Yeah, and i’m not really able to remember anything since then.

TK: Series 16, episode 10.

Lewis: I just watched that, what happened?

TK: The Taskmaster hotel.

Lewis: Oh, right.

TK: Although whether that’s Alex or Qrs.

Lewis: I literally just watched that while I was ill. It shows you where my brain was.

TK: But, man, has it really been three whole series since we’ve stripped Alex? That seems like a long time.

Lewis: Forcibly stripped, no less.

TK: That was good. I very much enjoyed him standing on top of his shoes, with his little blue and gray skull socks that looked very much like something that you would buy at the child section of Target or something.

Lewis: I mean, the amount of times I have seen this man wearing a pair of socks that I own is hilarious. He gets the same bulk packs that I do, apparently.

TK: Cute. And then obviously his black underwear -or pants- depending on where you live.

Lewis: I miss the pink ones.

TK: I do miss the pink ones. But, Greg told him to switch to black, so he’s got to do it.

Lewis: That man is so easily bullied it breaks my heart.

TK: Oh, don’t feel bad for him, he loves it! 

Lewis: And then I love how Rosie asked for his spare suits as well. And he’s like, “I could do with putting one on later.” But he knew they were all going to get soaked.

TK: Yeah, poor guy.

Lewis: And then Jesus Christ, the foraging for mannequins. Yeah I saw, I think it was in the Discord. Someone was saying that it’s likely those were just chucked down there, not as permanent storage. But we were going through all of the mannequins, and these ones are so broken that we can’t use them for this, so let’s chuck them under a tree. No one will look under the tree. And then, yeah. He actually used the phrase, “foraging for mannequins.”

TK: So good. I’m kind of surprised that wasn’t the title of the episode, honestly.

Lewis: And again, between that, and Alex, and just the whole thing. He’s standing there half naked, there’s a mountain of dead bodies in the woods – what is this task?!

TK: Yeah, it was chaotic. Also, I didn’t really understand why Stevie was so excited. Because she went in the trees, went “jackpot!” and then chucked zero full mannequins, which is what you would have needed for the task. So I was like, why are you excited? You’re only finding limbs. You have to have a full mannequin in order to, what are you going to do, fucking Lego them together? No you’re not, you don’t have that kind of time. So I was like, why is she so excited by finding stuff that’s not gonna help her?

Lewis: The only thing I can figure is that she figured, I’ve got some legs, I’ve got some arms. I can crush those into a wetsuit and then fill it with someone’s random hips and torso, and the wetsuit will hold it all together.

TK: I hate that, that’s some body horror shit right there.

Lewis: I know! And I think this is going to become one of my quintessential Taskmaster tasks just because of how fucking unhinged it is. Like, what? Who came up with this? Alex, obviously. But what the fuck? What is going on in your head? It’s another really good example of how it just completely seems to take people out of their own mind. Because I can’t imagine doing any of those things, just to do them. But then Taskmaster puts you in this position where you have to think weirdly and scream jackpot at a pile of dead bodies.

TK: Yeah, truly, Taskmaster is out here making people say sentences that have never been uttered by a human ever before, and will never happen again. And it’s also funny because the whole tip toes thing, they didn’t really ever bring up except for Alex being like, “Tiptoe, Jason” or, “Tiptoe, Mat”.

Lewis: And apparently he was hounding Fatiha about it as well.

TK: At first I was thinking, oh that must be hard, to tiptoe everywhere. But also my feet are pretty fucked, so I’m always constantly in pain. But then I remembered that – and I know that you haven’t seen this, so spoilers for the latest episode of Taskmaster Australia. But they had to do a team task, and only one of the teams had to do something in a bouncy castle. And they had to be bouncing the entire time. And I forget how long they had, it might have been 20 minutes or something, but that is a lot of physical labor. And by the time they were done, they were fucking exhausted. Because Tom was like, “You’ve got to be jumping!” and they’re like, “We’re trying, Tom! I’m so tired!”

Lewis: It’s very much a thing. I think everybody does that. When you’re watching, you’re kind of thinking, how would I do that? How would I go about doing that? And it’s tasks like this, like with the tiptoe or like on that one – was it in the first episode where they had to jump? First or second episode. That’s one of those ones that I have to wonder, were I and/or someone with a similar mobility disability, would they alter that task for them? Or would they just say, fuck it, you’re on your own, figure it out?

TK: Yeah, that’s a good point, because I feel like they wouldn’t do that for, like if it was Rosie Jones.

Lewis: I feel like she’d be pissed off if she got special treatment.

TK: That’s true, I agree. I do wonder if they would have purposely not done that for someone like Rosie. Because I can see them not doing it, but I can also see Rosie being like, fuck you, let me do this.

Lewis: It’s like when there was a cheeky spy photo that someone posted of the house before series 17.

TK: When they had the railing.

Lewis:, and nobody noticed that, which I’m not surprised.

TK: Well we did, we noticed it.

Lewis: Well I was the one who pointed it out, is what I’m saying. Nobody noticed it until I pointed it out. And that was what, I won’t say spoiled it, but as soon as I pointed that out, we’re like, oh my God there is, everyone was saying, “They’ve got Rosie Jones.” Because I can’t think of many other people who would spur something like, oh God, this house is not accessible. And Lenny Rush was very obviously, I think, a test. Can we handle disability accommodations for New York, New York? New Year Treat, I see NYT and I think something different.

TK: I do too, I do too. New York Treat.

Lewis: Yes, New York Treat. But yeah, having Lenny on there, and he gets around on a Segway. I love that they even use that on Am I Being Unreasonable, they’ve got his Segway in there as well. And so yeah, doing that, and then all of a sudden there’s a handrail outside. They’ve got Rosie Jones, that’s one of my bucket lists right there.

TK: Yeah, as probably you know by now, I rarely know whoever is going to be on in the series. But I had seen an Instagram video of Rosie Jones, I think it was Ivo was pushing her in her wheelchair for some kind of charity race or something like that. And I was like, oh my gosh, that’s the most adorable, wholesome thing ever. But I didn’t know who she was. So I did just a quick Google, Rosie Jones, clicked on the first YouTube video I found, and was instantly in love with her. Because she’s so fucking funny, everything she says is gold!

Lewis: So she’s got this one joke that I love, where she’s talking about how she’s got a girlfriend now and things have mellowed out. And she’s comfortable and they’re happy. And every morning they have their morning routine, which starts off with her girlfriend putting on her favorite band. And I can’t remember what it is, but they’ve got their favorite band, and then brings in The Guardian. And so they read the paper together, and then they go and have a little lie down, or what she likes to call Rock, Paper… and then she leaves it there. She doesn’t have to deliver the punchline. And I love the way she does that, because the timing for punchlines like that is everything. And I love how she’s worked around that.

TK: I’ve never seen that clip, but I can so clearly imagine her saying it. And it is perfect in my head.

Lewis: I’m going to find it and link it. Unfortunately, I think I saw it on Twitter.

TK: Heck. I would love to get her. I mean, obviously we’ve had Alex on, amazing. My top three wishlist guests for this podcast is Rosie Jones, Julian Clary, oh God, I don’t know. Maybe Ed just because if I don’t say him he might get mad at me.

Lewis: Ed, come on our podcast, please!

TK: I want to talk to Rosie about it so bad, because I actually do want to know what accommodations were made and how that whole thing worked and all that kind of stuff.

Lewis: Same, absolutely.

TK: One day.

Lewis: Because there’s so many tasks where I’ll be watching it, and I don’t think a lot of people know this, but contestants are allowed to bring on whatever they like. It’s just most people don’t. Sam Campbell brought a whole bunch of weird, just what looked like trash, and some of it did come in useful. And I think, was it Jason, does he have a knife on him? Yeah he does. And I remember seeing, I think it was on Reddit probably, that some people were criticizing him for having a knife because that’s cheating. Liza Tarbuck had a knife.

TK: Yeah, it’s not cheating.

Lewis: Bring what you like. There’s literally nowhere that says you can’t use anything that you bring yourself. But it is weird that nobody, well, not nobody, but it is weird that not a lot of people choose to bring their own stuff.

Lewis: That or they do, and it’s just not useful. Like, Victoria Coren Mitchell brought a fucking flapjack, which somehow helped her in a task. But yeah, I’ll always be watching some of these tasks and it’s like, oh, I’d have a really good advantage here, especially depending on whether I chose to have my crutches with me or my cane on that particular day. Because I switch between just depending on pain levels. And there’s so many things where Alex has been a dickhead and put something just out of reach. And it’s like, especially with the cane. I do it in the supermarket sometimes and it drives my husband insane. But it’s like, if you’re going to put them too high to reach…

TK: I used to have, I should dig it out actually. I used to have this bag that I carried with me all the time. And in the bag was this pen that I got at a NYSSMA conference. And if you’re not from New York and you’re not a musician, you don’t know what NYSSMA is. I’m not going to remember what it stands for, but it’s essentially a music convention in New York. And I think it’s for students, if I’m remembering correctly, I think it’s just for high school students or middle or something like that. But anyway, I got this pen, and it’s this beautiful metal pen. No longer works, has long since run out of ink. But it’s a regular pen you can extend it to, like it’s wider than the screen. And I used it for many years as a pointer when I was a teacher because I would use it to point at the boards and stuff. But it was really nice because I could just go woop! And then it would be a pen again. And I do believe I still have it, but it’s not in the bag that I currently have because currently I use a bag that’s kind of a fanny pack type of thing, but it’s cooler because it’s like made out of a lot. It looks like something Lara Croft would wear is literally the reason why I got it.

Lewis: It sounds like something my dad would wear.

TK: No, I’m much cooler than your dad. No, actually, your dad’s pretty cool from what I know about him.

Lewis: My dad’s awesome.

TK: So, should we talk about the ad breaks?

Lewis: Let’s talk about the ad breaks. The first one we had, oh my God. So I didn’t write down exactly what he said…

TK: I did!

Lewis: There was a stick of butter.

TK: It was, “I’m not going to tell you how to relax. You do you.” And then Alex gets out a stick of butter, and Greg starts unbuttoning his shirt, and I’m just like, hello?

Lewis: I love it.

TK: There’s already a fic.

Lewis: Did you write it?

TK: Of course, who else?! Okay, and then immediately after that we have, “Same old deal. You do what you want, me and Alex will do our thing.” Starts unbuttoning his shirt, and Alex-

Lewis: And Alex has a pair of marigolds!

TK: Yeah, he gets out some yellow rubber gloves, starts putting them on, cuts to the ad break. There’s also a fic of that.

Lewis: Did you write it?

TK: Of course! I posted that one today.

Lewis: And then the third one was…

TK: Surprisingly disappointing.

Lewis: Yeah it was!

TK: I was very upset.

Lewis: It broke the rule of 3s.

TK: I was so excited, and then I was like, womp womp.

Lewis: Going home with a lyre and a fanny, which as a pun didn’t even really work. He’s not a pun man.

TK: It’s a stretch, yeah. But then, the cut back to the studio after the glove thing? Greg is like, and now we’re back, welcome to part three. And Alex goes, “Good morning, darling.” And then just keeps going and like is not talked about. And I’m just like, Good Lord these two this fucking episode.

Lewis: They were in a mood.

TK: They sure were. Because let’s talk about the next task.

Lewis: Oh the liar task. Where am I? So, task number three. Oh, I was really counting on the wiki to give me some information, but they did not. Convince the other team that the following things are the opposite of what they are. And off the top of my head, it was that a case is either really heavy or really light, that the drink was either hot or cold. The paste was either delicious or disgusting, Alex was behind the curtain or not. And they’ve all met, or not, a celebrity – or two of the three of them had.

TK: Did you say hot or cold?

Lewis: Yes, that was the second or third one.

TK: I liked this task. I thought it was really cool.

Lewis: And I love Fatiha again, just right out of the gate, completely brutal. This is rubbish, Bruv.

TK: So funny.

Lewis: Yeah, this was one, I didn’t understand this task until it was almost over. Because it’s another one where there’s so much going on.

TK: Yeah, there’s a lot.

Lewis: That’s a lot, especially for an audience member to keep track of, because the contestants at least have the task in front of them, they can refer back to it.

TK: And they also broke up the tasks in the studio. They went three and two, so that was kind of odd.

Lewis: It wasn’t until they started beating up the mannequin in front of Alex that I realized kind of what was going on. That was a fantastic double bluff.

TK: I did fully think that Alex was behind the dummy because I was like, there’s no way that they would have done that. Because it’s so obvious that that’s not Alex. Because you can even see the mannequins’ feet, so obviously that’s not Alex. But then they were like, yeah, we hid Alex behind the mannequin. I was like, that’s really good.

Lewis: And this was another one where Greg just loses control of the quiz, which doesn’t happen often on this show. It happens all the time on Buzzcocks. But the Taskmaster is in charge, and most people happily play into that. And then we have Jason and Stevie just completely derailing the task, sitting on the floor. “What’s gonna happen when we graduate?” Which is probably the funniest thing anyone’s ever said on this show.

TK: I laughed so hard at that. That was so funny.

Lewis: But I swear Greg was the most stressed out he has ever been on this show, especially when they were just standing there.

TK: Yeah, because he was like, “Sit the fuck down!”

Lewis: He had flashbacks to teaching.

TK: I literally was about to say it definitely felt like a teacher who has lost control of the classroom nightmare. Which if you have been a teacher, that is literally a nightmare. But yeah, that was so cute.

Lewis: The kids are running around-

TK: Laying on their stomachs, kicking their feet. So cute.

Lewis: I put somewhere in my notes that these are the naughty children out on the playground. That’s what this cast is this series.

TK: Yeah, except Mat is the one good kid, the class angel who everybody loves. And he’s just like, I’m just trying to do what’s right.

Lewis: He wants to have fun with his friends, but he also wants good grades.

TK: Yeah, he’s a rule follower.

Lewis: Yeah, which doesn’t always work. This was also the task that Mat runs away from.

TK: In the studio, that was so cute. Them switching places, that was so cute.

Lewis: I feel like what they were trying to do was go over to the same side to confer. And then Alex goes, oh, you can sit over there. So they just switched.

TK: So stupid, I loved that.

Lewis: I love how afraid of Fatiha Mat is as well though.

TK: Oh my gosh, he was terrified. Which, to be fair, she is terrifying. She’ll give you a look and you’re like, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!

Lewis: Yeah, she and Rosie were just ruthless to him in this as well. By this point my notes are getting incomprehensible. I watched it again last night, and I’m glad I watched it again last night because we’re recording this on a Saturday this time. But, by this point, I was well stoned. So my notes are in English, but they are in Apple Autocorrect English.

TK: This was also the point where Greg is fooled by Stevie and Jason’s attempt at hiding Alex behind the curtain because he says, “I will pull my trousers and pants down right now.” And then…

Lewis: Right now, that’s the thing, right now.

TK: Yep, is the phrase.

Lewis: Even Channel 4 pulled him up on this.

TK: Yeah, Channel 4 called him out on it because they posted, was it an Instagram reel or something? And they were like right now, right now, right noooow…

Lewis: Riiiight noooow.

TK: So funny. Then later he’s like, okay, let’s hear some scores or whatever. And Alex says, “Well, not before you take your trousers and pants down.” To which Greg says, “I will meet you all individually at a time and place of my choosing.” Which will be a fic soon, probably tomorrow.

Lewis: You’re gonna write it, right?

TK: Of course!

Lewis: What drives me insane about this is this has become his go-to bet. That if this happens, he’ll take his trousers and his pants down.

TK: I don’t mind it.

Lewis: And he has welched on it every time. Because it’s happened twice on Buzzcocks. There’s only once where he actually did it, off-

TK: When he goes backstage, off camera.

Lewis: And I don’t believe that for a second. So come on, find a different bet. Or at the very least, make Alex do it.

TK: Or, pay up! Make a special video that you post to all the socials.

Lewis: I also enjoyed Fatiha flipping off the camera when they revealed Alex was behind the curtain.

TK: I didn’t catch that. That’s really funny.

Lewis: So another thing, was it the team of two or the team of three saying that they met James Bay? I think it was the team of three. Yeah, because the other two said they met Tom Cruise. Which for Jason, I agree, very believable. Apparently he’s been in everything, even though I’ve never heard of the man.

TK: Have you not watched The Good Place?

Lewis: No.

TK: Oh, all right.

Lewis: No, I hadn’t ever heard of him until this series. He was the only one I didn’t know.

TK: Wild.

Lewis: But I misheard, so did my husband. We thought they were saying James May. That’s a big enough name in the UK. You probably have no idea who this guy is. But he’s one of those guys who’s on all the telly. He’s this doddering old fool who really became famous during Top Gear. And he’s known there as Captain Slow because he’s not into racing. He doesn’t want his cars to go fast. He wants his cars to work. He wants them to be reliable, and he wants them to look good.

TK: I assume Top Gear is car racing?

Lewis: Yeah, it’s a motoring show, it started off as a consumer motoring show where they would just review the new cars that were out and occasionally do some funny little test with them, because car tests are boring. Nobody wants to actually watch a car test unless you are that far into it that you don’t have any other personality. And so that’s basically what they tried to do.

TK: For the listener, Podcast Cat just did a big stretchy.

Lewis: So big. But then they started doing things like testing whether or not the Toyota Hilux is actually indestructible.

TK: So now I’m going to cut you off, because do I remember that Alex has or maybe Greg has mentioned something about Top Gear?

Lewis: Greg was on it, but he wasn’t on during the main trio. Because what happened was that Jeremy Clarkson, the six foot four orangutan that hosted it along with James May and Richard Hammond… I feel like Richard Hammond even got like a little joke in the first series of The Horne Section Show. But Clarkson punched a producer, it was this whole thing that it was a location shoot. It was late, everyone was starving. The producer arranged for cold sandwiches to be fed to the team. And to this day, I don’t actually know what location shoot they were doing, but apparently that was just too much for Clarkson. And he punched the producer. And so the BBC chose not to renew his contract. He wasn’t fired. So I’m going to be pedantic, along with David Mitchell on this. It was a non-renewal of his contract, which Amazon just immediately snatched up. So they just continued on Top Gear, they called it the Grand Tour instead. Where it was basically Top Gear but with the serial numbers filed off. And by that point, they were already doing these big treks across Africa in horrible little sedans and driving cars to the North Pole. That’s what Top Gear is.

TK: Well, the reason why I asked about if Greg and Alex had mentioned it was because it sounds like Taskmaster, but for cars?

Lewis: It kind of is.

TK: So I wonder if they’ve ever referenced that or made a joke about it or something.

Lewis: They probably have, because the thing that Greg did was a ‘Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. And it’s been a couple of cars, but they’re always like family sedans, cars that have absolutely no power, no get up and go. They’re not meant to go much above motorway speeds. And they used to film, I don’t know what’s going on, I quit watching it after they moved to Amazon, frankly. But they put these people, just ordinary celebrities who have absolutely no motoring history most of the time, a few of them, not even a driving license. And they put them on their test track at a disused airfield and just had them do a lap. And the whole point of it was that it was a car wholly unsuited for a test track that they had put together for Bugatti Veyrons and Lamborghinis and massive hypercars, and go! You probably won’t get above 40 miles an hour, but just go. And people still manage to go off the track. Michael Gambon famously almost died on one of the corners when he almost rolled the car. So that became Gambon corner.

TK: Oh my gosh.

Lewis: And that’s the bit that Greg did. All six foot eight of him in the tiny little family car, basically. Just go, go around the track, don’t die.

TK: Well now I know who James May is, I guess. I don’t even know who James Bay is! I don’t know either of them.

Lewis: Yeah. So we were both like James May, he’s a cool guy. I’d like to meet James May. And these days he just does shitpost YouTube.

James May: Yo viewers, bros and sisters.

Lewis: Like, let’s buy a bunch of shit off of Wish and Temu and test it and oh, imagine that, it’s crap. But then imagine a grouchy old man doing that who has no patience for anything, and it makes it even funnier. So what else do we have here?

TK: Next task?

Lewis: Oh, yes, this one. Tell us why the light bulb turns on. You may not touch or tamper with the light bulb. And as Alex points out, it’s why, not how. And this is also we had two people: read this task out loud and in full. If you fail to read this out loud and in full, you will fail the current task.

TK: Yes, and what I meant to do, because I pulled a timestamp for that, and the timestamp is 31:17 for the text that appears. The editors did a wonderful, beautiful job on this, I really liked the transition. But what I meant to do was write down what the text was saying, and I just ran out of time.

Lewis: Would you like me to read it out?

TK: Oh, you have it?

Lewis: I do have it in front of me.

TK: Perfect, let’s do it.

Lewis: So the whole thing hasn’t been transcribed yet because we haven’t heard it. But it goes, first part, “Read this out loud and in full. If you fail to read this out loud and in full, you will fail the current task.” And I’m convinced this has something to do with another task entirely. So it goes, and there’s a lot, so here we go! This is by the Taskmaster.fandom wiki, by the way, “Dear contestant, congratulations. You have looked under the table and found this, a letter just for you. If you didn’t have such curious instincts, you wouldn’t now be reading this personal note.” And then we’ve got a gap, “…who has no weakness. You are Jason (or whoever, I guess.) You are rugged, firm, and unshaven. I’m going to tell you something I haven’t told any of the other contestants. I think you’ve got what it takes to win Taskmaster. For some time now, I’ve wanted to talk to Greg, to really tell him how much I respect and admire. He is mighty, but he is not indestructible. But I think you’re better. I think you should be the Taskmaster. Goodbye, Alex Horne.” And apparently they go…

TK: So that was Jason’s.

Lewis: That was Jason’s, yeah, there’s definitely something that’s been cut out of it. And then this goes, this is a different one. “I always thought that you, specifically you, would be great for all sorts of reasons. Here are those reasons. I respect you. I think you’re funny. I like your hair. I think you’ve got a nice, slow, deliberate, measured, unrushed reading voice. I like to spend quite a lot of time in…” Oh, okay, so there’s a typo here, no wonder. It actually says “I like to spend quiet a lot of time in quiet a lot of rooms with you.” I think those were both supposed to be quite.

TK: Probably.

Lewis: “I’ve always thought you’re the sort of person who would look under the table when most people wouldn’t. You’re a humble person. Thankfully, something told you there might be something under the table that would help you. And you are right, this is meant to help you.”

TK: False.

Lewis: No, that’s why I’m starting to think that it is.

TK: Oh, you think, maybe like they get an extra point or something down the line?

Lewis: Or something, yeah. Because I’m not seeing anything that looks like it could be an acrostic yet. But we also haven’t seen the full text of any of these letters. “Forget what those other people say. You are smart. You are perceptive. You are Mathew Baynton. Okay then, I better go now. Well done again on finding this valuable paper.” No signature.

TK: Okay, so that’s Mat’s.

Lewis: And then here’s Rosie’s.

TK: And Rosie’s is written by Greg. I remember specifically because when she finishes reading it, I was actually really nervous for her. Because it says, read this in full – and at the very, very end, I forget what the sign-off is, but she goes, “Greg D- for fuck’s sake, this was useless.” And and she doesn’t actually say Davies fully. And I was like, oh no, is she gonna have had to read that whole thing and then not gotten the points? But I guess they counted it. So what does hers say?

Lewis: Her’s starts right in the middle it looks like. “…things I haven’t told any of the other people you’re competing against. So get ready for this, deep breath, Rosie Ramsay, here goes. This is not the only hidden thing in the Taskmaster house. And almost every drawer on almost every shelf beneath almost every stone. And inside almost every satsuma, there are clues, useful nuggets, and often cash. Don’t be content that you have found this bonus. Keep looking, keep searching, and keep finding the truth. For I am telling you the truth. The truth is that Taskmaster is not just about the tasks in front of you. It’s about peeling away the layers of the tasks. Like, if you discovered there was a little box inside your mouth, and it’s about opening that box and finding the key in that box, and then searching for what that key is for, and discovering it’s actually a key for a little car that’s hidden in… that sort of thing. Okay, carry on. Yours, Greg Davies.”

TK: That is the best one! So fucking funny. You know what that reminds me of is the Jonathan Coulton song, Creepy Doll. Do you know what I’m talking about? Oh, my gosh, it’s such a good song. So there’s this Jonathan Coulton song called Creepy Doll, and it’s like you buy a house with your big city money, and there’s a creepy doll, and it’s always watching you and stuff. And at the end of the song, you’re just like you’ve been living with this creepy doll. It’s like you go antiquing, and there’s an old man with a wandering eye and a withered hand, and he hands you an old wooden box, and you hear his old bones creaking. And then, your initials are carved into the silver key that goes to the box. And then at the very end, you’ve decided that you’ve had enough, so you put the doll in the wooden box, and you put the box in the fireplace next to your bag of big city money. As the smoke fills up your tiny room, there’s nothing you can do. Far too late, you see the one inside the box is you. I cannot believe I just remembered all of that. But that’s how the song goes, and it’s such a good song. That’s what that reminded me of, very creepy. That’s cool. I really like that. But she seemed pissed. I would have been reading the hell into that. You know if John Robbins or Ed Gamble had gotten that specific one, they would have been like, holy shit, I need to tear this place apart looking for all these other clues.

Lewis: Yeah, I want to know the full text, especially now realizing that they were different.

TK: Yes, and we might get those. We might get someone on the production team to release those. In fact, if we get somebody from the production team on the podcast, maybe that’s something I can ask about. Actually, let me go write that down really quick for no reason at all.

Lewis: None at all.

TK: None at all. Nothing at all.

Lewis: We don’t have anything going on behind the scenes.

TK: Nothing at all! Do you get that reference? I don’t even fucking know what it’s from, fucking Randy Pritchard or whatever the fuck his name is.

Lewis: Okay, so let’s go on to the actual light bulb task.

TK: Okay, so a couple things that I wrote down. Number one, what the fuck were with the raisins?

Lewis: Hang on, where the fuck are my notes? Light bulb task, there we go. So, yeah, the raisins, they were definitely there as one of those: we’re going to put them in front of you to distract you, I think. And they absolutely worked with Jason. Just feeding them into the light, which was one of the funniest things.

TK: That was really funny. It did feel like the raisins were supposed to mean something, because I feel like everything on Taskmaster always kind of means something. And I was like trying to figure out what the raisins signified, and I couldn’t.

Lewis: Oh, okay. So I’m actually looking at the Wiki right now. So the raisins were on a plate, and hidden on the plate was a message: Comedy is tragedy plus time.

TK: Yeah, I wrote that down.

Lewis: So I think the raisins themselves were just kind of a red herring. It was something to put on the plate.

TK: Okay. Because I also wrote down: plate of raisins? Raisins this series? Because in episode one we had raisins you had to put into the glass. So I was like, why is raisins a theme now?

Lewis: I think they’ve just become another thing.

TK: Raisins is the new balloon. It’s the new rubber duck.

Lewis: Every series does seem to have a prop that features more than others, like we’ve had satsumas and lemons and obviously eggs. So I think this might be the raisins series.

TK: Interesting, that’ll be interesting to see.

Lewis: And then on the wall clock it says-

TK: Speed of light equals question mark miles divided by two seconds. Now I looked this up-

Lewis: No, it just says divided by two, it doesn’t say seconds.

TK: Oh shit. Wait, are you sure?

Lewis: Well that’s what I’m reading, unless you have a screenshot?

TK: I don’t have a screenshot, but I wrote down seconds. I’m pretty sure it did say seconds, actually, because I wrote this down while I was watching the episode. But anyway, now I looked this up and I Googled: speed of light in miles per second, and then I multiply that by two. And I would have thought that the question mark would have been five, because five looks the most like an S, because it’s clearly meant to be smiles. But that’s not correct at all. So I guess they didn’t really look too closely into that.

Lewis: And then we had the poker chips with facial expressions on them. 

TK: Those were cute.

Lewis: And Jason was absolutely right, that is the emoji I most associate with Alex Horne. But this task looked like one of those just horrible pain in the dick tasks again. And we definitely saw that with Jason clearly having given up.

TK: You see this shit? [Podcast Cat biting TK] No bite! No bite one! No! Fucking gremlin. Yawn. She’s like, wow, biting mum for sure is a hard fucking time. Yeah, life is so rough.

Lewis: I know, right?

TK: I just spent $500 on her. Don’t you fucking attack me! Just for her regular fucking check up. Blood work is so expensive. But she’s fine, she’s healthy. She’s gonna last another fucking 21 years just to torment me.

Lewis: This was another task that Rosie almost faceplanted straight into, and then swerved right before she got the answer. That had to have hurt. And then her face when she actually did get the answer though, oh my God.

TK: Yeah, Stevie hated this one.

Lewis: Alex was in such dad mode about the raisins that got shoved into the light as well. Well, now I have to take that apart because it’s full of raisins! That seems like something an irritated dad would say after he caught his kids screwing around with raisins and a microphone or a light or whatever. Which, oh my God, I don’t know if I ever told you this. My mother, when we first moved in this place, gave us a big sound system. It was like a 5.1, all of the cords, all of the receivers, everything was as it was. And she said that she just hadn’t been using it, it had been sitting in the attic, and do I want it? The only problem is that there’s a buzz in the subwoofer. And I’m like, okay, either the subwoofer has been kicked or damaged, or it’s just your shitty wiring in your house picking up interference. So it sat in our closet for a while before I finally had everything set up, and I knew where I wanted it. And I pulled it out and the subwoofer weighed about 800 pounds.

TK: Jesus!

Lewis: Yeah, that’s not what a subwoofer’s supposed to be. They’re huge, but they’re not that heavy. And I realized that it’s not buzzing, it’s rattling.

TK: Yeah?

Lewis: And so I managed to empty it out. What I found, I actually did weigh this. It was about 5 pounds of dog food that had been…

TK: Loose?

Lewis: Yeah, just kibble by kibble by kibble.

TK: Oh, no!

Lewis: And I poured so much fucking dog food out of this! And I was like, oh, well, now I understand why she’s given it to us, because she didn’t want to deal with the fucking dog food.

TK: Oh, that reminds me of when my car, this was so annoying. My car had gotten, according to the car person, had gotten walnuts in the air system or something – I don’t fucking know. But it was really annoying because the place that I lived at the time, I couldn’t bring my car in to anywhere except for a Toyota dealership because it’s a Prius. Yeah, and people just don’t have Prius parts. And dealerships are so much more expensive than if you just go to your regular mom and pop car fixing place. Repair shop is the words that I was looking for! Car fixing place, Jesus! So I had to have my car serviced. I had to get something replaced, and it was so expensive- it was like $1,200 at least. And so they kept calling me and they were like, oh, we found this other thing. We need to change your air filters and that’ll be another couple of hundred dollars, and we need to do this, and we need to do this. And I was like, fine, just get it all done. I don’t fucking care, just do this. I don’t like talking to people on the phone. And so they got all this stuff, and I was $2,000 or something at the end of the day. And then they call me with one more thing. Oh, we found, walnuts in your air conditioning system. And I was like, okay. And they’re like, yeah, we turned the air all the way up to maximum AC and we could hear them rattling a little bit. Do you want us to take them out for $40? And I was like, fuck no! Fuck you, stop taking my money! Leave the fucking walnuts in my fucking car! I was so mad. I was, like, shut the fuck up! These fucking walnuts, when am I ever gonna blast my AC to the max capacity? And why would I care that there’s a slight rattling sound in my fucking car? I was so done. I was so fucking over it. And so then it became this huge inside joke with my partner and me. Where we would just be, oh, watch out, the walnuts are rattling again! It’s like, shut the fuck up! Oh, my gosh, people just make up any fucking excuse. Oh, that also reminds me…

Lewis: I’ve never had a license in my life and I don’t regret that decision.

TK: This also reminds me of a very funny story which will show my age a little bit. Because when I was going to summer camp, this would have been 2006, I had a track phone. Do you remember those, little bricks?

Lewis: I do remember those.

TK: Yeah, you could only text and call, and you had to pay $0.30 for every text, and I don’t remember what you had to pay for calls. But anyway.

Lewis: There were one of those things that were great if you didn’t actually use it. But if you were a cell phone user, you’d go bankrupt.

TK: Right, and I never used my phone. I only got a smartphone in like 2014 or something. And so I had my track phone and I brought it with me to camp. It’s in Michigan, so we would go to Lake Michigan for days off, or as a field trip thing with the campers. And great year, best summer of my life til 2006. And then went back home and my phone was working, but it was a little slower than usual. So I bring it into Radio Shack! Yes, you heard me correctly. I brought my track phone into Radio Shack. Now, for those of you that have no clue what I’m saying…

Lewis: I feel 100 years of age!

TK: So, this is how old I am, right? So I bring my phone into Radio Shack – always makes me feel so old. I’m like, hey, my phone is acting a little slower than usual, I don’t really know why. They’re like, okay, let’s check it out. So, they open the back of it and a bunch of sand falls out! And they were like, well, there’s your problem! And it was so embarrassing. But, those were the days where my phone worked and it had a bunch of sand in it. Like today, absolutely not – a single grain of sand goes in your phone, it’s fucking done.

Lewis: If my phone gets too hot in my pocket, it throws a fit.

TK: Yeah, yeah.

Lewis: My first phone was from Virgin Mobile.

TK: That’s what my carrier used to be until they switched over to Boost Mobile, so that’s what I have.

Lewis: Does Virgin even still exist in this country?

TK: No, I don’t think it does, because it automatically switched over to Boost for me.

Lewis: I got it, mine was around 2003 that I got my first phone and I liked it, it was great. And then I stopped being able to find the cards, back when you had to enter data in on a card. Because we’re on Mint now and there’s none of that bullshit. It’s just, yeah, here, gimme five bucks worth of whatever. So after that I got the Nokia, whatever that was. The one that was indestructible.

TK: The flip phone?

Lewis: No, not the flip phone, the brick that was indestructible – 50-something, 51 something, I don’t know. 5150, that’s, no, that’s something else – that’s the California penal code there.

TK: Yep.

Lewis: I had that, and I had it for a few years, and it was really nice. And then the Motorola Razr came out and I was like, “Oh, that’s sexy, I want that!” So I threw the Nokia into a drawer because I had a new phone and it was nice. And then some years later it broke because I was living out in Death Valley at the time, and Death Valley kills everything. It just got sick of overheating and it broke. And I pulled the old Nokia out, and it still had fucking charge! That was a joke in Everyone Else Burns as well. And that was one of those things where the children will think that’s a joke. But, no, that phone that he pulled out of the drawer would very likely still have charge.

TK: Yeah. Oh, the good old days! So anyway, so that was a task. And then for the intro to the live task, we get a Baby Boy.

Lewis: But first let’s talk about Jason taking 52 minutes to shove raisins. Oh, my God! One point, yeah, sure, absolutely deserved that. But I think it was that Ed and Fatiha we’re talking about. I can’t believe Alex lets these go on as long as they do.

TK: Yeah, from a producer standpoint it’s gonna make it funny the longer it goes on.

Lewis: Yeah, like there is that one in series 12 that went on for an hour and a half.

TK: Was that the one with Guz and Morgana and Desiree?

Lewis: Yeah! “Fuck me in the face!”

TK: “There’s been another revelation in the lab!”

Lewis: I feel like, yeah, they’re up there. Ed’s duck task is up there.

TK: Because I was gonna say, what’s the longest? Is it Ed’s, Champion of Champions?

Lewis: It might be Sarah Kendall. It might have been Sarah Kendall on Champion of Champions.

TK: Oh…

Lewis: Where they had to do something stupid. And she just closed her eyes, spun around in circles and chucked her house keys. So they couldn’t leave until she found the fucking house keys! And I wanna say they spent something like two hours on that one. But, at this point, yeah, if you break the hour mark, you are in a special club. And he came so close.

TK: Poor guy.

Lewis: And then I love how Alex was like, “Yes, of course we had to cut things!” Your task was an entire episode.

TK: Yeah, hopefully we’ll get that as an outtake or something. Or like extra content, because that would be so funny.

Lewis: I would love to see them start doing that. Just: here’s the entire task.

TK: Oh, my God.

Lewis: Enjoy!

TK: It’s longer than an average episode of Taskmaster. It’s just the entire uncut task with Jason fucking around.That would be so funny.

Lewis: And then we had Fatiha isolated, which of course only means two things.

TK: Right, and I was like, oh, no. And then she got it so quick and I was like, oh, okay!

Lewis: She did really well this episode. Like I said, she has the makings of a dark horse.

TK: Yeah, I thought she was gonna win this episode, actually.

Lewis: So did I, I feel like it was close. Yeah, it was 20 and 21.

TK: Yeah, it was close. I was excited. I think it would have been really funny if Mat had won again, but there was no way he was winning this episode.

Lewis: If he won again, everyone would hate him.

TK: Yeah, including himself probably. I think that’s what Ed said on the official podcast.

Lewis: Yes. And then we got, “These swans are sick.”

TK: That was so funny! So, my partner and I do this thing where we’ll find a cool picture of a dog on the internet. It’s like the dog is wearing sunglasses or something. And it’s like, babe, call the vet – this dog’s sick as fuck. So I really liked the swans! I had never heard of that before, so that was a new one for me. That was really good. So funny, oh, my gosh. And then Alex being pedantic about you wouldn’t call the vet, you would call somebody else. And I’m like, yeah, actually that’s true, because as someone who works in an animal shelter, you have to call specific places depending…

Lewis: It would be the RSPB, I think.

TK: Yeah, because for us, you’d probably call animal services or a wildlife rescue that specifically deals with birds, an aviary or something. Because a lot of what we deal with in shelter work is sometimes people will bring in wildlife. And we’re like, we can’t take this – you have to bring this to Animal Control because we can’t do wildlife. I have a really disgusting story about a boar that I will not tell you on this podcast while we’re on air. But if you wanna hear about it afterwards, let me know, because it’s awful.

Lewis: Awesome. Have you read Bird Watching Watching?

TK: No, I should, but I haven’t.

Lewis: You should, this guy, if you haven’t read it. I noticed this in series 13 as well, the girls were saying, yeah, Alex, he likes birds. And then Alex says it’s my dad that likes birds.

TK: No, it’s my dad…

Lewis: Yeah. And it’s like, sir, I have a book about birdwatching that you have written, and it’s not a small book.

TK: Right.

Lewis: And then, yeah, he’s over here being pedantic about swans again.

TK: I did like that! I did like that, because I was like, no, he’s right.

Lewis: He is right. And then, yeah, we got…

TK: Baby Boy.

Lewis: Hi there, Baby Boy.

TK: Lovely.

Lewis: Which Alex always seems so pleased by.

TK: I know, he’s such a cutie. He’s always like, happy face! And then we have the game of Front Ham, which for the longest time I was, what the fuck kind of name is that? And then I was back, and then I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

Lewis: Yeah. It doesn’t actually mean anything, but…

TK: It’s fucking stupid. I was mad about that one, and I love puns. I was like, all right, go fuck yourself! Ghosts?

Lewis: No, the book misbalanced this stack of bullshit I’ve got over here.

TK: I was like, I don’t know what you’re looking at because you don’t have a pet. So there’s no reason for you to start suddenly looking off-camera!

Lewis: The book was on my desk. And then for some reason, instead of putting it back on my desk, I put it on this stack of things that I’m taking down to the bookshop. Which is mainly just a pile of old craft shit that I don’t want. And the book completely misbalanced that. So, cool.
But I love how Greg legitimizes these kind of tasks. Where Alex…

TK: Oh, yeah, he really gets into it!

Lewis: Introduces a game that obviously nobody’s ever played. And Greg just instantly like, yes, this is my favorite game ever. I love this sport. I haven’t seen this kind of play in 20 years.

TK: So funny. I love when he does, and I think he really does love being involved with the live tasks.

Lewis: Yeah, which, real quick, let me read it out: Win a game of Front Ham. One at a time, each person must discard three socks from the washing line and add one. If all of your colored socks are removed, you are eliminated. Pretty straightforward, and it’s another one that Fatiha won.

TK: And I would like to point out that, and they’ve been doing this for a while, but they color code contestants.

Lewis: I love that.

TK: But not only that, but this task specifically. Lovely rainbow! Just beautiful colors.

Lewis: Yeah, and looking at the scoreboard here, in a lot of ways it looks like Rosie finding that secret letter might have actually balanced things out. Because had she not found that, who knows how much less time it would have taken her. And then, she read it in full even though she missed that last-

TK: Half of a word.

Lewis: Yeah, but we have three tasks where Fatiha won in a row. And I feel, had she done better on the prize task, she might be in a totally different part of the leaderboard than she is now. And then we have the return of the Bench of Shame.

TK: Yep. I felt so bad for Stevie not even having a turn.

Lewis: Yeah, but I love the big pine bench of shame. I don’t know why it cracks me up. And yeah, once again, Rosie just absolutely fucks it because she forgot that they no longer have to be coy.

TK: Yeah, it was amazing that she got as far as she did. And if I’m being honest with you, I was looking at this game and I was thinking, there’s no reason why you couldn’t just pull three socks down of your opponent’s colors and then put one of your own socks up. And I know that Greg was being like, oh, I wonder if it’s a chess move type of big brain play or whatever. But who cares if people know what your color is? Because it’s not like they’re gonna gun for you. You have to gun for everybody else anyway. You know what I mean? So, what’s the point of hiding what your color is? Because if you put up more of your color, that’s just gonna get you farther in the game.

Lewis: Well, yeah, but also, they’re gaming the entire episode. So if someone’s in the lead for that episode, you’d absolutely want to get them out early.

TK: I guess, but I didn’t rewatch it to see who was in the lead at the time and so who they would have gunned for, or whatever.

Lewis: So, at that point, Fatiha had 15, Jason had 8. Who is this? Mat had 12, Rosie had 17. And Stevie had 14, it looks like, if my math is correct.

TK: Because the order that they got out in was not the people they should have been getting out.

Lewis: Well, yeah, Stevie and Fatiha were really close and then Rosie, she hung on, and then she just fucked it for herself. But it didn’t matter in any way. But, getting Stevie out, she was pretty far down there as well. And then they got Jason out and he ended this episode with 10 points. He did not do well.

TK: Yeah, I don’t know. I mean I thought it was a fun game.

Lewis: The thing is, also, we do have a panel full of absolute idiots – that’s the whole point of the show. They’re not necessarily going to be thinking clearly.

TK: Right, and I don’t remember where this was said, but I did write it down as my last note. Alex says to Greg, or about Greg, “My personal big champion.”

Lewis: One of my ones is actually from Ed’s podcast where Fatiha called Greg her big man.

TK: Yeah, Alex was like, you better step off.

Lewis: Well, that’s one of my favorite things that Alex has ever said was from series 13. Where Judi was just hammering at him when he was just so complacent in the task. But then in studio he was arguing back and she’s like, why are you arguing now?

TK: Just like, hello? And he’s like, oh, “I’m sat next to my big man.” So funny!

Lewis: Just the way that he said that. And yeah, Fatiha had exactly the same energy and I loved it. So we end the episode, Fatiha on 20, Jason on 10, Mat on 15, Rosie 21, and Stevie on 15. And the grand totals are: so Fatiha is on 57, Jason’s on 49, Mat is on 70! So between 49 and 70, that’s the big gulf between first and last. And then Rosie’s on 58 and Stevie’s on 57.

TK: That’s nuts. I can’t believe Mat is so far ahead.

Lewis: Yeah, so we’ve got Jason and he’s definitely filling the Nish role. Like I don’t know what he’s doing, and it doesn’t matter.

TK: Which is so funny because of their inside joke with each other that they basically can just swap. Like wear each other’s clothes and be like, I am Nish. I was reading this somewhere and somebody was saying, imagine if Jason won, but then couldn’t do Champion of Champions. And they just have Nish come and sit for him. And it’s just like, oh, hi, Jason. And it’s just Nish, but nobody says that it’s Nish. They just treat him like Jason.

Lewis: And I love that with Kiell and Mae. They’ve set that precedent and they can do that.

TK: Oh, I loved that! That was so funny.

Lewis: First place and last are in their own separate leagues. And then the middle three are 56, 57 and 58. It’s so close in the middle. But really all it will take is for Mat to have one bad episode. And suddenly those middle three are back in the game. And we’re only on episode 4. Literally anything could happen. And then there’s some trivia. Would you like to hear some of the trivia that’s at the bottom of the page?

TK: Let’s do it.

Lewis: So a premiere for series 19 was screened in New York on the 21st of January.

TK: Yep, I was there.

Lewis: We’ve talked ad nauseum about that. And it goes on to talk about the announcement for the series premiere. It was referred to as season 19 – I wasn’t there, I don’t know. The five contestant’s initials were shown in the opening banter section of The Nexus of Truth. FEG, JM, MB, RR and SM. I think I remember that, was that when he had his adverts in his coat?

TK: Could be.

Lewis: Could be. This is the first UK series in which someone wins the first three episodes in a row.

TK: Wow, good for Mat!

Lewis: I could have sworn a couple of people had done that, but it must have been only two.

TK: Well, it might be, what’s it called? Another international version of the show?

Lewis: Well, no, because I thought Dara had done that as well. And for some reason, I also thought Chris Ramsey had. But they must have only won the first two. And then during the first few weeks of the series, official Taskmaster social media promoted each episode released with a special promotional task. I don’t think I saw this week’s.

TK: Oh, it’s Rosie this week.

Lewis: Oh is it? Maybe I did win then.

TK: Is it Rosie? I think it was Rosie this week.

Lewis: Yeah, it must have been Rosie if they’re going down, so we’ve yet to see Stevie’s. Which if you haven’t seen these ones, I forget what it’s called, they’re playing that Wikipedia game where you have to start on one page and get to the other via links. Which a couple of them have-

TK: It’s funny because you can see the links that have already been clicked on, because they’re purple. So as they’re scrolling down, I’m like, maybe you should have refreshed your browser cookies or something.

Lewis: But no, it’s really good. A couple of them have had really good ideas. And was it Mat that had a really good idea that went nowhere?

TK: Might have been.

Lewis: Yeah, some of them did. they’re really cute, they’re on YouTube.

TK: We haven’t had outtakes for this episode yet have we?

Lewis: No, but it is only Saturday. And despite appearances, I’m not as online as a lot of the other people in the group. I check Reddit for the news, and sometimes I remember that Bluesky and Tumblr exist. But this was another good episode, I do think this is going to be one of the top series again.

TK: It’s very strong.

Lewis: There’s a lot of really, really good things going on. But they’ve been… One thing this show has always been really good at is finding that group of five that work really well with one another. Because sometimes you do get series like last series, we had a couple of absolutely chaotic units in Rosie and Babatunde. And then with Jack Dee and Andy Zaltzman, I don’t want to say that it was unbalanced. If anything, it was too balanced. Because we had that chaotic energy, but it never really managed to culminate in anything truly chaotic, because the two older guys were just like, no, I’m too tired for this sometimes.

TK: You know what I noticed is that this series, we don’t have the old man position, which is kind of refreshing, honestly.

Lewis: I think they in a lot of ways kind of gave that role to either Jason or Fatiha.

TK: Oh, I would have said Rosie, is Rosie not older than..?

Lewis: Let me check, because I know Fatiha is in her 40s.

TK: That’s young, I’d say. Mid 30s?

Lewis: Yeah, you know you’ve reached a certain age where you see a celebrity has died and they’re only in their 60s, and then you realize you’ve just said ‘only’.

TK: That’s so young, yeah.

Lewis: Rosie was born in 1986.

TK: What?! Good Lord!

Lewis: And Fatiha was born in 1981.

TK: Wow. I definitely thought Rosie was older for some reason. I think it’s because she’s got that mom energy, you know? I just feel like the mom- it’s like how Jenny Eclair kind of has the mom energy.

Lewis: Yeah.

TK: And obviously Jenny is older than… [to Podcast Cat] Hi! What do you say?

Lewis: Chris and Rosie Ramsey are almost exactly the same age. They’re just a few weeks apart. Kitty cat, because Chris was born-

TK: Oh my gosh, why are you screaming?

Lewis: Chris was born the 3rd of August ‘86 and Rosie the 30th of August 86. So that’s cool. Kitty cat, what are you doing?

TK: What are you saying? She’s like, “Wrap it up, you’ve been talking for an hour and a half!”

Lewis: Yeah, I’m gonna have to really chop this episode up!

TK: Yeah. Sorry to the transcripts people. [You’re lucky we love y’all.]

Lewis: Oops.

TK: This is what the people want!

Lewis: It is.

TK: I mean, it’s what some people want.

Lewis: If you want more of it, go to… what’s it called?

TK: YouTube?

Lewis: Patreon!

TK: Yeah, please go support us on Patreon. [laughing] We’re suffering financially.

Lewis: Mentally, physically.

TK: Emotionally.

Lewis: Financially. Yep, independently and as a podcast.

TK: Speaking of which, I’m getting my Horne Section tattoo tomorrow.

Lewis: Yay!

TK: So it’s a Decisions… stop yelling! Oh, it’s because it’s 8:30 and it’s half an hour until she gets fed. It’s a Decisions-based tattoo with a duck by a pond. And it says young, broke, tired, feeling out of luck. And I don’t know if you’ve – oh you have seen this part in Mark’s episode coming out soon. When he when he’s like, yeah, that pretty much describes all of the members of The Horne Section. I’m excited for it though.

Lewis: At least say all but one, because we know Alex is doing well for himself.

TK: Yeah. Oh, man, what song is it on? On one of their albums, and Alex is talking and he makes a joke like- [Podcast Cat shouts] What?! Like two out of the six of us, oh no, “Four out of the six of us are quite poor. Mark and I are doing okay, though.”

Lewis: I think I remember that, yeah.

TK: It was so funny. All right, thanks for another fireside chat with two old…

Lewis: Yeah, I feel like these get longer every week.

TK: Yeah, it helps that my partner wasn’t home so I could just shoot the shit for a bit.

Lewis: Yeah, my husband fucking ignores me – which is great because… it sounds worse than it is. But if I’m back here, I’m working, and he knows that. He very rarely bothers me when I’m back here. You are in your front room, which makes things less fun. Less easy.

TK: Yeah, we only really have this room, the bedroom and the bathroom, so it’s not like I have many choices.

Lewis: Yes, our absolute minimum, which is insane for two dudes, two rooms is the smallest we can have. Three bedrooms is ideal. I have all my shit, his is out in the living room.

TK: We can’t really go bigger than this because we’re living in the Bay area. So unless you want to pay an arm and a leg to live somewhere with more than one bedroom, it’s just not feasible.

Lewis: Yeah, like we got this place… this was emergency housing because we were getting out of a bad situation. I think we looked at this and one other, and I didn’t like the other one, even though it had a washer and dryer in it, because the kitchen was just too small and too unsafe, and I still hate this kitchen for being too small. But it at least has a dining room, which we don’t use.

TK: Yeah, we’re moving in about a month – relevant to the people that are watching these podcasts on YouTube – so my background will change. Like how, “you can have seen that it’s gotten dark” as we’ve been saying.

Lewis: Watching that, I can still see the sun. We’re far north enough that I can still see the sun. Although you can’t because I’ve got blackout curtains so it’s not shining on me.

TK: I think the sun… no, I think it’s behind me, so that doesn’t help. But anyway – we’re going to be moving in about a month, so my background will change for this podcast.

Lewis: Things might get a little interesting during that time, which if I need to record them I can.

TK: Well it’s only going to take us a couple days to set up. The real tricky part is when I’m going to be in Michigan for two weeks and then in Poland for ten days.

Lewis: That’s right. You’re going over there!

TK: We’ll figure that out.

Lewis: Well, we’re past series 19 by that point. Because we have decided we’re going to keep doing these. That way we’ll be able to batch record.

TK: Yes. I think that the place we’re moving into, the kitchen is huge, which I’m really excited about. It’s more of an open plan than this place is.

Lewis: We’ve got multiple shelves in the dining room because we don’t have kitchen cupboards.

TK: That sucks.

Lewis: It does.

TK: All right folks, take care of yourselves. Stay safe, drink water. We’ll see you next time.

Lewis: Don’t stare at the sun.

TK: Don’t stare at the sun?! Jesus Christ.

Lewis: Bye.

TK: Bye!